Category Archives: Mommy Issues

Two of Me

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I needed to assemble some new furniture recently. I put the first bookshelf together while my 6-year-old daughters were sleeping and presented it to them proudly when they awoke. J was unimpressed.

J: You did that by yourself.
Me: Yes, honey. Do you like it?
J: How did you do it by yourself?
Me: The same way I did the dining table. I just followed the instructions.
J: It’s supposed to take two people.
Me: I could see it being easier with two, but I was fine by myself.
J: Last time you had someone else.
Me: I don’t think so. Do you want to help me with the others? I’d love some help putting your book bag cubbies together!
J: You need two people. Two of me is one you. M is another me because we’re sisters and twins. Sometimes she has some different thoughts, but really, she’s another me. So me and M together is one you and we’ll help.

They did end up helping me assemble the cubbies we’re now using to house their schoolbags, dance bags, and piano books. M’s contribution was minimal, since she spent so long washing her hands that we were nearly done by the time she showed up.

When the girls were first born, I would have bristled at anyone saying that M was “another” J. Over the years, though, I’ve learned to embrace the similarities and closeness between my girls, while also celebrating their individuality and differences. Both my girls are well-adjusted, independent, and happy. Most of the time, they love being together, but sometimes they need time apart and they argue often.

I don’t think J’s conception of M as her other self was imposed on her from outside. It’s just one more aspect of the relationship that M and J share, one that might have existed even if they weren’t identical, even if they weren’t twins, perhaps even if they weren’t sisters. I kind of like the idea of my daughters adding up to “another me” when it comes to physical labour, too.

How do your multiples perceive their siblings in relation to themselves?

Sadia is a divorced mother of 6-year-old twin girls, living in the Austin, TX area.

Family Planning with Twins

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Having twins rocked my world, I’m not going to lie. I never considered twins a possibility when I thought about starting a family and even skipped all the sections on twins in my prenatal books until I found out it was happening to me. Only weeks after my husband and I deciding we were going to start a family, I became pregnant. 10 weeks after that, we found out it was twins. I was shocked, surprised, scared, and any number of S words you can use to describe ones emotions. I kept telling myself that since these twins were natural, I was going to be spared from the laundry list of twin pregnancy risks you are told about. “It was meant to be” was my mantra for 38 weeks and I whole-heartily believe it.

Pregnancy was not what I would call easy, but looking back, it was not terrible either (likely because I do not know any different). I had morning (noon and night) sickness for 18 weeks, I had weeeeeeks of feeling really great, and then I had 3 weeks of bed rest to keep my little guys cooking away as long as possible. Because both babies were breech, I ended up having a c-section at 38 weeks despite my being a student of the Bradley method. My c-section experience was not textbook, I am sad to say, and I ended up hemorrhaging after delivery. Although it was scary at the time, I recovered quite well and have been assured that it was a flukish thing that can happen when you have twins and is not likely to happen if there are future pregnancies.

Now that my guys are 15 months old, my husband and I are starting to reflect on whether or not we should increase the size of our family. I never thought I would be asking myself this question after only one pregnancy. Because I waited until after I finished my PhD and post doc to get pregnant, I figured I would pop out two kids, one right after the other, to make up for not getting pregnant in my 20’s. (Turns out- this is what happened but instead of 1.5 years between kids, there is 1.5 minutes, ha!). I pictured myself having two kids but I thought I would have to have two pregnancies to get them. Now that I have twins, I am wondering if we should roll the dice again and try for more children. I know it is commonplace to be pregnant while you are raising a toddler but, in truth, it scares me. I am (worrying) wondering how you effectively parent twin toddlers while creating the life of a third? How do you start the clock again on sickness, tiredness and breastfeeding baby(ies?) right when your toddlers are bursting with energy? How do you change your parenting techniques to raise a singleton when you are so used to parenting twins?

Deciding whether or not to have children is a very personal decision and I am not asking to have that debate. I am, however, trying to explore the worries that come with being twin parents who are thinking about adding other children to the family. How do you do it?

How I Do It

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A couple of days ago, Mercedes asked us, “Seriously, how do you do it?” This is my answer.

(This is a revised version of a post I originally wrote when my now 6-year-olds were toddlers.)

I don’t think parents of multiples or military families or single parents or working moms are unique in needing to answer this question repeatedly. I suspect all parents get it, because seriously, parenting is a hard hard job. It’s physically, emotionally and creatively demanding, and, although its rewards are incomparable, there are days it’s a thankless slog.

So, how do I do it?

My 2-second answer to the question is, “I do the best I can.”

My 20-second answer is, “I prioritize, and I lower my standards. I figure out what really matters and what’s necessary. Then, I let everything else slide. The kids and my job need a level of attention that cannot be compromised. I have to care for myself enough so that I am mentally and physically healthy enough to manage those things. Everything else has to fit in around those top priorities.”

Here’s the long answer:

My priorities are clear. In order, they are:

  1. The kids’ immediate well-being
  2. The kids’ long-term well-being. Are they on a path to being healthy, happy, wholesome, productive adults?
  3. My job and my immediate co-workers and customers
  4. The kids’ relationships with their family members who don’t live with us, including their father, stepmother and stepsisters
  5. A healthy diet for the family
  6. My mental and physical health (including getting sleep)
  7. Friends and remaining family
  8. Community participation
  9. Housekeeping and home maintenance

I look at the balance of my life in two-week chunks. I might not get to cleaning, talking to relatives, exercise, or even reading with the girls, every single day. I may go a week without making a meaningful contribution to my community. Within each 14 day period, though, each of the areas I value should have had some attention, in proportion to their place on the priority list.

How do I fit this blog into my life? Well, blogging helps me work through the most challenging questions of the day, reminds me that the kids are the primary reason I even try to achieve balance, and keeps me connected with the amazingly supportive and smart community of parent bloggers. Priorities 1, 2, 6 and 8 addressed in one fell swoop. Again, the 14-day balance helps me stay on top of things. I don’t write nearly as regularly as I publish. Some days, I’ll have three things to talk about, and I’ll publish the extra drafts on days when there’s a gap and I don’t have the time, energy or creativity to come up with a timely post.

Here’s the big secret. I don’t do it all. On a given day, I either don’t sleep enough, don’t clean enough, feed the kids junk like mac and cheese and hot dogs, don’t shower, or don’t take any time to sit and breathe.

So, how do I do it? I don’t.

Sadia is a recently divorced mother of 6-year-old twin girls, M and J, having spent 8 years as an army wife. They live with three cats in the Austin, TX area, where J and M attend Spanish-English dual language public school and Sadia works at a large university in information technology.

Juggling Life with Twins

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Has anyone played the video game The Sims? For those who haven’t, the game goes like this: you create an avatar, then go through the paces of living its life. You must find a job, advance your career, raise a family, build/expand/redecorate your house, all while meeting your own everyday needs like going to the restroom, having fun, and keeping the house clean. And it is pretty difficult to keep your avatar happy. Neglect your baby and it will be taken away, neglect your friends and you will no longer have a relationship with them. If you don’t learn how to cook or buy cheap furniture, you will be miserable. There isn’t a particular objective, but players of the game know it’s nevertheless strangely addictive to play out “life” on a screen.

Dealing with two babies and a toddler is like playing a hyper version of The Sims. Time one thing wrong and you end up throwing your arms in the air yelling incoherently or falling asleep on your living room floor. No need to play video games, just get yourself a set of twins! Not exciting enough for you? Throw in a toddler too. Then you’ll really be having fun! I’m not sure about the addictive part though.

I bet in a few years I’ll look back and wonder how I did it. But while I’m doing it, UGH! it’s hard .

lunchldyd is mom to an almost 3 yr old daughter and 3 month old b/g twins in Los Angeles, trying to take it one day at a time.

Breastmilk, Meet Formula

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I am fortunate that I have been able to exclusively breastfeed my twin boys for the first six months of their lives. Well, they had a little formula in the first week of life when I was re-hospitalized for a uterine lining infection after an emergency c-section. On the plus side, I never had to rent that hospital-grade pump, because I was in the hospital! Seriously, that was what I kept repeating to myself as I desperately sought a plus side to being separated from my 4-day-old infants. I was so committed to getting my boys that breastmilk.

And I did. I managed to successfully navigate soreness, scheduling, supply-building, growth spurts, cluster feeding, and nursing tandem. Breastfeeding has been a huge source of both pain and pride.

However, at the boys’ recent 6-month check up we learned that they are not gaining weight adequately, despite growing in length and hitting developmental milestones (ahead of schedule, cough cough brag brag). I sort of suspected something was up because over the past couple of weeks, they have increased to 10 feedings per day and are starting to fuss around feedings. I hoped it was the 6-month growth spurt, or maybe due to a recent round of colds we’ve been sharing, but the scale doesn’t lie. They weren’t getting enough.

This was devastating news because somewhere along the way, I let breastfeeding get pretty wrapped up in my worth as a mom. Maybe even as a woman. In that light, I was a huge failure. I mean, with twins you do basically have someone on the boob 800,000 times per day. It’s easy to feel like it’s all you do, even though it really isn’t.

We decided to start with one bottle of formula per day. We picked the most stressful feeding, the one right before bed. Usually, I’m tired and frazzled, they’re tired and want all my attention, dad stands there helplessly. Awesome way to make bedtime as stressful as possible! That night we each took a baby and a bottle and snuggled in. I’ll admit to some silent tears (I’d never fed my babies a bottle before) and then a different kind of sadness when I realized how damned big my ego had gotten over this breastfeeding thing. It was so peaceful cuddling one baby while dad cradled the other, knowing they could get all the attention and food they needed. For the first time since they were born, there was no pressure to be everything to everyone.

The next day I was able to celebrate the benefits of supplementing, as well as give myself a hearty congratulations for making it to 6 months. I also scaled back the hyperbole and reminded myself it’s literally one bottle per day, Miss Perfectionistpants. But I also mourned a little. My role as a mom was shifting slightly. Would I still be special to my sons?

How I underestimated myself and those little fellows.

The next day, both babies were under the weather – vaccinations plus a lingering virus had them pretty run down. At bed time, M downed a 7 ounce bottle. R took only a couple ounces, but he’d been snacking all day because I let him stay attached during naps (this stopped being cute like 2 months ago but I can’t seem to break the habit for good). Knowing they were good and fed, we sang a little song and put them in bed like always. But my sick little guys started fussing right away. Couldn’t possibly be hunger! Meds were already administered. Rocking, patting, nothing was helping.

Finally I nursed R while dad rocked M. I couldn’t think of anything else to do. He quieted immediately. I have no idea how much food R actually got, but I’m convinced it wasn’t calories that he needed. It was being wrapped up in mommyness. He needed me, plain and simple. When I laid him down, he fell right to sleep. Then I took M and did the same. The kid just had 7 oz and his brother had surely drained whatever was in my breast, but he nuzzled in just the same and became calm and peaceful. After a few moments I was able to lay him down too.

Thank God for formula. If the boys hadn’t had a bottle, all of that comfort-needing would have been totally mixed up with hunger and they would have gotten hysterical. I would have had to juggle them both at once, tandem feed, and try to comfort simultaneously. I wouldn’t have been able to indulge in that peaceful, individual time with each baby, no rushing, no concern about “saving” some milk for the other. They each would have gotten only 50% of me.

Isn’t this the toughest part about being a twin mom? When they both just need you and you have to figure out how they are going to share?

Being a mom is so much more awesome than being food. However we comfort our little ones, in our own special way, satisfies them deeply. By letting go of being the only food source, I realized I can be even more abundantly a comfort source.

My current goal is to make it to a year mostly breastfeeding. And my second goal is to appreciate the space formula allows me to exercise other dimensions of being a mom – including more flexible comfort logistics.

Are twins just cosmically given to control freaks to teach us a life lesson? Any other Type-As out there trying to accept that you can’t do it all?

Do What I Say, Not What I Do

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I’m a big believer in teaching by example.

If I’m going to talk the talk, I need to walk the walk. If I want my children to make healthy food choices, I need to make healthy food choices myself. If I want them to treat others with compassion, I need to do that in my own life. If I want them to be honest and open with me, I need to be honest and open with them. Whether or not my children are watching me, I try to model the things I want them to learn.

The problem is that I am messy. Really, really messy. I am good at many things, but tidying is not one of them. I am so bad at putting things away that two of my friends came over to help me move in and save me from myself. While the husband took all our kids to the nearest park to play, the wife walked me through my home, telling me where to put my things.

I’m great at cleaning, but lousy at tidying. In an hour, I can leave a bathroom sparkling and germ-free. My dirty laundry doesn’t pile up. Dirty dishes in the sink? Forget it! However, my bathroom counter is cluttered. When it comes to folding clean clothes and putting them away, I’m an abject failure. My kitchen counters are covered with mail, kitchen appliances, and spice containers. My dining table has a pile of books on it. My buffet is covered with paper. I moved into my house in August, and half unpacked boxes take up half my garage. The last time my daughters had a friend sleep over, she told me that I should really clean my room.

How can I realistically expect my children to clean their room when I leave the rest of the house, inlcuding my own room, a mess?

The one area of tidiness where I am consistently successful is the containment of dirty laundry. My dirty clothes always make it into the hamper. Therefore, I feel that this is an area in which I can insist the children follow suit. They don’t, though. Their bedroom floor is littered with worn clothes.

A month ago, I laid down the law. My daughters are 6 years old and dress themselves. I think this means that they can take ownership of discarding worn clothes appropriately. I would no longer wash clothes that didn’t make it into the girls’ laundry basket. Over the last several weeks, I have pushed their dirty clothes scattered on the carpet to the side of the room instead of helping them into the basket. I’ve only washed what the girls toss in their basket.

The first thing they ran out of was pajamas. These girls LOVE their pajamas, so imagine their dismay at having to sleep in daytime clothes. (I used to make them sleep in school clothes. I’ll tell you about that another day.) Next, they ran out of sweatpants and tights. They live in sweater dresses and tights or sweatpants and T-shirts during Texas winters, so this was The End of the World.

It worked. Last Thursday, M told me that she had picked up part of the growing pile of worn clothes and moved it to the laundry basket. By the time she woke on Friday, I’d washed and folded every last item she’d taken ownership of. I placed them in the bin from which they are supposed to put their clothes away, and she dressed herself in sweatpants in deep gratitude.

My girls aren’t going to do what I say, unless I do it myself.

Now tell me: How do I teach myself to be neat so I can teach my kids?

Sadia fails to keep house in the suburbs of Austin, TX. She is a single mom of 6-year-old twin girls, and works in higher education IT. Her desk at work is disarmingly clutter-free, and her electronic folders well-organized. Her desk at home is another story.

Stroller Insanity

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Lately I’ve been kind of obsessed about strollers. As the twins are now 3 months old, and I HATE the double Snap-n-Go that we currently use, I’m ready to get a nice double stroller. I feel so insane scouring the internet for stroller reviews and watching YouTube comparisons for hours. It’s not a small purchase, but if I could just make a decision already I’d be able to spend more time playing with my kids or sleeping!

With our first I bought a travel system. I looked for a 3 wheeled one (called a jogger, I now know), because I think I once saw one at the mall and was intrigued that it looked different from the traditional 4-wheeled ones. I must have been more frugal then, because I looked for the cheapest one I could find and didn’t consider the others at all. I don’t think I even test drove any at the store. We ended up with a Baby Trend Expedition, which cost all of $199, including the carseat! But I soon learned that it was pretty bulky and heavy. Recovering from a c-section in the first few weeks, I opted to use the Bjorn when going out with baby. It didn’t get much use as a travel system either, since I ditched the carseat at 6 months, but it’s still a pretty good stroller. Nice big wheels, very comfortable to push and sit in.

When baby was about a year old, we decided it was time for a family trip somewhere out of town. We picked a place not too far, San Diego, and planned some kid-friendly activities like going to the zoo. Suddenly, I realized that our stroller wouldn’t work. It would fit in my car, but with a pack-n-play and all our luggage for the trip, that was a lot to move around. Plus what if we took a tram at the zoo, or used any other sort of public transportation? So, at the last minute, the night before we planned on leaving, I searched Craigslist for another stroller. I happened to find a Maclaren Quest that was a couple years old, made the deal for $100 early in the morning, and picked it up as we were leaving town. I didn’t even know how to open/close it, so we just figured it out as we used it. I think it weighs something like 12 lbs. I liked it so much that after the trip I considered buying myself a new one, but at $100 and in good condition, there really wasn’t any need. It’s serviced us well.

Both those strollers are now collecting dust in the garage. Toddler doesn’t need to be pushed in a stroller anymore as she likes to run around, and though we think of “jogging” in our jogger now and then, laziness always overtakes us.

It’s time for a new stroller. This time a double. This time more pricey. This time more well-researched. This time, weighing somewhere between the last two. Loving our Maclaren, I was all set on getting the twin version. It’s been sitting in my Amazon cart for months. Grandpa has already given us money to pay for it. But the more I thought about it, the more I read about strollers, the more I was doubting my choice. I’ve come to the conclusion that a double just doesn’t work as an umbrella stroller. Too much to fold up and bulky anyway. Plus it weighs almost 24 lbs, which puts it in the range of non-umbrella doubles.

So, I’ve been looking into other types of double strollers. Turns out there are sooooo many! Tandems, side-by-sides, stacked, re-positionable, carseat adaptable, forever-air tires, one-hand fold, independent recline… one can get sucked into the madness that is stroller comparison. The problem is, since twins are not as prevalent as singles, double strollers are not usually out on sales floors, and for the same reason, you wouldn’t have a “friend’s” to see/test. And the reviews are never-ending, sometimes contradictory, and always refer to yet another previously unresearched stroller for comparison. UGH!

I am leaning towards the Baby Jogger City Mini Double. At under 30″ wide and less than 27 lbs, it’s not too big to stroll around nor too heavy to discourage use.

So the shopping begins. Currently the newest model is the 2012 version. It retails for $450 and I haven’t seen it on sale for much less. The 2011 model is being clearanced, and I have found an orange one for $300. What a steal, right? But I can’t decide if I want to the better seat padding, easier access to the underbasket, and the auto close clip in the newer version. Plus buying the older version would be like buying last year’s car model. A little anti-climatic. Still haven’t decided…

What are you all pushing around?

lunchldyd is mom to a toddler girl and 3 month old b/g twins. She is also a high school teacher. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband, 3 children under 3, and two neglected dogs who would probably enjoy a walk outside with a new stroller.

Breastfeeding Woes

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I have had three children, but I have never breastfed. Correction, my babies have never fed from my breast. Other than a few minutes in the hospital when they might have gotten a few drops, I do not know what it feels like to nurse a baby. I pump and they do still get breastmilk, but it is from a bottle.

Somehow, my intentions to breastfeed is always trumped by some other need: for my nipples not to hurt, for the ease of having someone else feed the baby, for the speed of pumping and bottlefeeding.

While pregnant with my first, I was blissfully unaware that there may even be difficulties breastfeeding. Women have been doing it for eternity, I had friends who nurse without a problem, and it didn’t occur to me that I would be any different. After Toddler was born, nurses told me she had a great latch. But due to the c-section, my body took its time to produce milk. I think it wasn’t until day 6 when I came home that anything even began coming out. Meanwhile, the baby developed jaundice and needed to eat. Doctors and nurses told me she needed to be fed formula, and she was under bili-lights for 2 or 3 days. As first time parents, we panicked that our 8 lb. baby was starving. So though I really wanted to breastfeed, we gave her formula as directed, fed from a cup.

When my milk did finally come in, it was not enough for her. She was voracious! Her latch must have not been as great as the nurses told me, because my nipples were not just sore, they were bleeding blisters. Suffice it to say, I dreaded feeding my daughter. That is when I decided to just pump and give my nipples a rest. Oh my! She took to the bottle like a champ. Feedings now took only 5 minutes whereas nursing would be seemingly nonstop. Pumping only took 10 minutes, so altogether even adding in the time for washing the bottles and pump pieces I still made out. So somehow I just never made it back to nursing. I figured with going back to work anyway, might as well just pump full time. Spurred on with the guilt I felt for not being able to nurse her, I exclusively pumped for 8 months. By the end, I was so jealous of those women who never had to wash a pump piece or even know what a pump was.

The second time around, I knew I didn’t want to be washing bottles and pump pieces anymore. A good friend of mine had successfully nursed her twins for over a year, so I thought I could attempt it at least. I planned an extended maternity leave to relieve the pressure of returning to work. I even attended a few La Leche meetings and heard more stories of breastfed twins. I was not so naive this time, however. I knew now that it wasn’t all butterflies and flowers. Even successful breastfeeding had its drawbacks. But still, wanting to be able to nurse my twins created the most anxiety for me throughout all of my pregnancy.

In the hospital this time, I demanded attention from the lactation consultant. She visited me every day, multiple times a day. But c-section again, I had no milk. Baby boy latched ok sometimes, but baby girl wasn’t getting the hang of it. It felt kind of silly to practice latching while I had no milk, like we were just teasing them. So after a couple days we spent a small fortune on two bottles with special nipples that supposedly mimics suckling from a breast and gave them formula, still holding out hope that nursing would happen in the future.

But in my sleep deprived and hormonal-emotional state, I just didn’t have it in me to persevere. No suffering with sore nipples, wondering whether my babies were eating enough, crying with them during feedings this time for me. I gave in, went to exclusive pumping, and even ditched that stupid specially designed nipple in favor of faster feedings.

Every two hours during the day, I spend 10 minutes with my pump. It’s a love-hate relationship. I’ve managed to get to almost 40 oz a day, but with two babies to feed sometimes we still need to give a bottle of formula, and that’s ok. While not the ideal peacefully-tandem-nursing-while-I-lovingly-gaze-at-them situation that I dreamed of, pumping definitely has had its advantages. Husband can feed one when I’m feeding the other, we know exactly how much each baby is eating, I actually get some time to myself while I’m pumping, and best of all: I’ve had the chance to leave the house, tend to Toddler, and do other things in two-hour increments without having a baby on me half the time and being on-call for feedings the other half.

It’s a demanding pump schedule for sure– hopefully I can get to 3 hr increments without losing too much output. And though I plan to continue for as long as I can handle to provide breastmilk for my babies, I will not be beating myself up about it. I suppose I will always feel Mommy-guilt for one parenting decision or another, but I’m finally at peace with this one.

How have you chosen to feed your multiples, and why?

lunchldyd is a mom to an almost 3 yr old daughter and her 3 month old twin brother and sister. She is also a high school teacher. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband, 3 children under 3, and two neglected dogs.

 

I Know I Can't Be Objective

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My 6-year-old daughters are being evaluated for the Talented and Gifted program at their elementary school. If they qualify, they’ll get to participate in more in-depth study of certain subjects than their peers. The dual language program at their school, in which they participate, already incorporates components of the Talented and Gifted curriculum, and their teachers do a great job of giving them assignments that keep them challenged and engaged. Still, I really do think that they’d benefit from the additional small group environment of TAG.

Every parent knows that their child is special. I think there are very few parents out there who’d describe their children as average, even though the average child is, well, average. I’m not even going to pretend to be objective. In my eyes, J is the sweetest, most thoughtful child to ever grace the earth. M is the funniest, and it takes every iota of self control not to spend every second of every day kissing her most kissable nose. They are both brilliant. It’s a good thing that the people evaluating them for Talented and Gifted services aren’t their parents.

But, wait.

J and M both brought forms home from school yesterday. I’m supposed to fill out these “Scales for Identifying Gifted Students” comparing them each to their age peers. Under Language Arts, one criterion is, “Reads or speaks with expression to create meaning.” Under Creativity: “Is an excellent improviser.” Leadership: “Is sought out for peers for advice, companionship, and ideas,” and “Is viewed as fair or caring.”

I cannot be objective. I just hope that the teachers reviewing these forms know that no parent can be, and are looking more at the examples I provide than the rankings.

I also struggle not to compare my girls to one another. They’re incredibly evenly matched, but J is just a little more interested in current events than M. J was the one who cried every day of the Arab Spring uprising in Libya, while M merely listened to the news and commented. M is just a bit stronger in math. While J is content to work on multiplication and calculations of area, M has leapt ahead into volumes and higher exponents. I imagine that if I were the mother of just one of them, I wouldn’t pause to mark their abilities in those areas as “Exhibits the behavior much more in comparison to his or her age peers.” I’m not the mother of just one. I’m a mother of twins, and I can’t help but compare them to each other. I know I’m not alone in this; my friends who have several singletons frequently talk about how a younger child compares to how the older one was doing at the same age.

The girls’ dad gave me the pep talk I needed soon after I photographed each page of the forms and emailed them to him. “It is important,” he wrote to me, “not to compare our daughters with each other because is it not an accurate measuring stick. For this, I think we need to try to compare them to the other children we see and are familiar with.” He talked through with me some of the areas I was waffling on, and some of the areas that he was uncertain of, not having been around the girls very often this year. He was pleased to learn that J has developed an interest in World War II, and that M is started to want to read more about Native American life before European contact.

I was pleased to have his thoughts, his perspective, and his partnership in co-parenting our children.

Of course, my ex thinks our girls are even more brilliant than I think they are.

Do you aim for objectivity in parenting? How do you achieve it?

Sadia tries to stay half a step ahead of her genius 6-year-old identical twins in Austin, TX. She is assisted in her efforts not to spend all day kissing her daughters by escaping to her full time job in higher education technology in Austin, TX. Her ex-husband is currently stationed 900 miles away with the US Army in El Paso, TX.

The Great Minivan Debate

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I’m sure every parent of more than two children would agree that a minivan is a convenience, if not a necessity, for a family of 5+. They would probably say that the efficiency and ease of loading/unloading children plus gear far outweighs the un-coolness of driving a minivan.

After discovering we were having twins, the Husband told me this. Our friends told me this. Random people at the mall told me this. I fought it for as long as I could. In fact, I wanted to hang on to my beloved little CRV so much that I relocated my daughter’s Britax and installed two infant carseats myself, far enough along in my pregnancy that it was a major undertaking. But they do fit, after some jiggling around, so that’s what we’ve been doing for the 3 months of the twins’ lives.

However, I’ve come to realize this is not the ideal situation. Due the space issues in the backseat, the Britax is in the center, flanked by the two carseat bases. With the carseats clicked into place, everything is wedged in so tight no one is going anywhere. And that’s sort of the problem. The toddler is not quite old enough to get in and out of her carseat by herself, at least, not without taking more time than I’m willing to give her. We did put a little stool in the center to help her get up and down on her own, and when time is not an issue, we let her practice in the hopes that someday she will be fast (good luck with that, I know). So most of the time I’m lifting her up to put her in. And I can say that a 30 lb. kid isn’t easy to sling into the center seat across an infant carseat base. Logistically, it’s also been a pain to make sure we load/unload all the kids in the right order. Sometimes it’s just been easier to install Toddler’s seat in our other car.

I’ve not traveled alone with all 3 by myself yet. I’m sure it will be so much harder to do that I will not want to leave the house. But I’m also sure that if I don’t ever leave the house I will go insane.

So… I’ve been won over to the dark side. We are currently shopping for a minivan. Just the sliding doors alone wins it for me. Add to that all the multitude of seat configurations, and it must be Mommy heaven. And it might just even be “cool”:

Dear MoM’s, what car are you all driving?

lunchldyd is a mom to an almost 3 yr old daughter and her 3 month old twin brother and sister. She is also a high school teacher. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband, 3 children under 3, and two neglected dogs.