And of course, I’m not talking about the chicken or the egg debate. It seems that many people (especially complete strangers) love to ask MoMs which baby was born first. From the MoMs I’ve talked to, I’ve learned that this question really, really bothers some mothers, while others think nothing of pointing out which child is Baby A.
My twins were born via c-section, just seconds apart. On their birth certificates, the time of birth is listed as 8:22am for both. So, when people ask me who was first, I usually just say, “They were both born at 8:22am.” If pressed for more details, I’ll usually share that Tiny is twin A, but what I feel like saying (especially if it’s a complete stranger asking) is, “Why do you care?”
I guess I’ve become more bothered by this question as Buba and Tiny have gotten older. When they were infants, it just seemed as though I was sharing a fact about their birth. But now that they’re older, it feels more like a label of their personalities. And I really want to avoid that as much as possible.
But what I’ve really been wondering about lately is what I’ll tell Buba or Tiny if they ever get around to asking that question. I suppose I could just answer honestly and matter-of-factly. After all, if they were singletons, there would be no possibility of keeping their birth order a secret. It just is what it is. But is it somehow different for twins? From reading numerous stories of twins (recorded in One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I’ve Learned About Everyone’s Struggle to Be Singular), I get the feeling that it is.
How do you feel when you get asked the “which came first” question? How do you answer it? And will you (or have you) shared birth order information with your multiples. Do you think it makes any difference whether they (or anyone else) know or not?