And the WINNERS are…

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Categories Book Reviews, Infants, Pregnancy1 Comment

Thank you to all who read, commented, liked, and shared our review of Twinspiration, the fabulous new edition by Cheryl Lage!

Twinspiration is a fantastic resource for expecting and new MoMs (and Double Daddies)!

[I can’t type that without saying, WHY didn’t someone put a copy of this book in my hands when I was pregnant with my twins???  I know without a doubt it would have calmed a lot of my fears, made me feel more in control…and made me feel a little less CrAzY a time or two!!!]

Now…without further ado…the WINNERS of the signed copies are…

Amy P.

Brenda H.

Ingrid S.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!  

Cheryl will be in touch with you directly to get your contact information.  And I hope you enjoy this book as much as I did!

And please continue to share the word about Twinspiration!  What a blessing it is for the multiples community!

~MandyE

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Twinspiration: Book Review and GIVEAWAY!

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Categories Book Reviews, Infants, Parenting, Parenting Twins, Pregnancy, Toddlers9 Comments

When I heard that my friend Cheryl was publishing a new edition of her book Twinspiration, I was giddy at the opportunity to review it.  See, Cheryl is not (yet!) my friend in real life, but she’s become an amazing virtual friend since my twin girls were born almost eight years ago.

She’s Been an Inspiration for Years

I started following Cheryl’s blog when my girls were infants.  At the time, Cheryl’s boy/girl twins were in early elementary school, and I looked up to Cheryl as a twin mama blogger. The mix of advice and antics she wrote about gave me hope that I, too, would get through the dual dirty diapers and not-enough-hands angst that was my life at that time.

My twin girls are long past the diaper phase, and I have come to reckon with not having enough hands.  Still, I so enjoyed reading Twinspiration. Years past the infant and toddler stages, I found myself nodding my head in agreement with Cheryl, alternately chuckling, “Ain’t that the truth!” and “I sure wish I’d known this ahead of time!” and finding myself misty-eyed, remembering some of the trying times and the fleeting stages.

What’s in the Book

I thought so many, many times, “Where was this book when I was expecting my girls???”  I had several books on pregnancy, and one specifically on multiples, but nothing quite seemed to hit the spot that this book does.

Twinspiration provides a wealth of knowledge on what to expect, specific to a twin pregnancy and twin infant- and toddler-hood.  It’s written from the perspective of a MoM who’s been there, of course, but it’s not just an account of Cheryl’s personal experiences.

Certainly Cheryl writes about her dynamic duo, which grounds the book in real-life experience and practical advice.  But it’s more than that.  Cheryl shares different perspectives, too, informing the reader that things don’t always play out by the book.

There are also tidbits interspersed throughout the book from a pediatrician’s perspective.  What I love is that the book doesn’t attempt to present The Singular Answer, but rather it offers a range of possible scenarios.  As a prospective/new parent, I feel like this book would have equipped me with the knowledge to ask the right questions specific to my particular situation.  And what a treasure that would have been!

Dad’s Eye View

And as an added bonus, there are snippets of insight from Cheryl’s husband, affectionately dubbed “The Double Daddy Perspective”.  I know my husband would have appreciated hearing the spouse’s take on some of the twinfant stages.  Even now, eight years later, I had to share some of Double Daddy’s accounts with my hubby…it made for a fun conversation for us both, remembering things from Hubby’s point of view.

In Short, I Loved It

Twinspiration.  It’s engaging…it’s captivating…it’s a plethora of knowledge and experience.  And best?  It’s such a warm read, like sitting down for a cup of coffee and hearing the tales from someone who has been there…really been there…and can smile a big, warm, welcoming smile as she tells her tale.

Get Your Signed Copy

At How Do You Do It, we rarely do giveaways.  But Cheryl is one of our own. She’s such an ardent supporter of the twin community, and she’s generously offered to give away THREE SIGNED COPIES of her new book to How Do You Do It readers!!!

Are you expecting twins (or more)?  Have a friend who would appreciate the support?  Want to add a copy to your MoMs’ group library?  Or just want to reminisce about those mommy milestones?  Enter to win a copy!

To enter, simply leave a comment or a question on this blog post.  (Cheryl would love to hear from you!)  For extra entries, visit Cheryl’s Facebook page, Twinfatuation, or visit How Do You Do It’s Facebook page! If you like what you see, follow us.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

This giveaway will run through November 16, 2016.  Please help us spread the word!

***

MandyE here.  Cheryl provided a copy of Twinspiration for me to read.  And I loved it.  The views I expressed here are my own.  I joyfully recommend Twinspiration to any of my MoM and soon-to-be MoM friends!

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Twins and another, and another

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Categories Fear, Pregnancy, Singletons, Twinfant Tuesday1 Comment

I realize a post about adding to your family when you already have multiples is probably better suited for the toddler section, and not ‘Twinfant Tuesday.’ I happen to agree that, if you’re smarter than I, you would probably not even dream of adding another baby to the mix anytime after surviving the first year with twin babies. Enough’s enough, amIright?

Ah, but what good comes with predictability? As twin moms, we all learned at one point or another to just give in, surrender, let the chips fall where they may and just try our best. So, when I stood in my bathroom looking at a positive pregnancy test over lunchtime, having left my husband downstairs feeding our twin 7-month-old identical girls and older 3-year-old, I was somewhat…gobsmacked. I felt a little like an irresponsible teenager: how did this HAPPEN? I was still pumping breastmilk five, six times a day! For two babies! Who just started sleeping through the night?

The numbers continued to perplex me: Three under three, four carseats, four little bodies growing and eating from my body at once (two nurselings, a fetus and my own). I was 26 years old, scared, overwhelmed and experiencing a new level of humble pie, faced with the prospect of another baby already.

That baby is two and a half now, and from the other side of that craziness (it was, no doubt about it, a chaotic time), I have some thoughts for moms of twins who are expecting another or thinking about it.

  1. Savour it. Chances are, your twin pregnancy was coloured in themes of panic, concern, fear, amazement and a sooner-than-expected delivery. This time, if it’s just one bean in there, slow down and take it all in.
  2. The guilt is real. Twins require so much of us from the very beginning. More than we felt they ever got, and not nearly as much as they deserve. Bringing another baby into the picture can spur guilt from the onset (it did for me!). Que cera cera. Your babies will know love from you, whether there are two of them, six of them, spaced apart or all born close together.
  3. You have veteran status. You have successfully brought two babies from birth to wherever they are now, and that was no easy feat. This is just one! You can do this! What’s one baby waking up hungry? Pssht, child’s play.

I promise, you’ve got this, mama. Now, if you’re the planner type, my advice is: Don’t rush to have a baby 16 months after twins! I mean, it’s doable, but oh, I still feel that time period aged me five years.woods2

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Selective Intrauterine Growth Restriction (sIUGR)

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Multiple pregnancies are categorized as “high risk” for a reason. It’s not just a matter of the limited room in our womb squishing our babies up against each other. The human female body is optimized to gestate one baby. When you add in more, there’s a chance that not all resources will end up being distributed evenly.

If you’re new to How Do You Do It? and didn’t come here specifically to learn about sIUGR, I encourage you to read through the amazing birth stories on this site. The MoMs of HDYDI have experienced the full range of multiple pregnancy possibilities, from full-term to micropreemie, from extended bedrest to working right to the end, from natural childbirth to C-section. Don’t be scared by this one set of potential complications. Most of us have perfectly healthy and happy children today!

Meet Jenn

Meet Jenn, HDYDI‘s newest contributor. One of her twin daughters was diagnosed with Selective Intrauterine Growth Restriction. We’ll explain exactly what that is after Jenn tells her story.

 My name is Jenn, and I’m a 32 year old mom of a sweet 4 year old boy and 5 month identical twin girls. This is my story about our experience with Selective Intrauterine Growth Restriction.

At 9 weeks pregnant, I found out we were expecting monozygotic/diamniotic (identical) twins. After the initial shock wore off (let’s be honest, I’m not sure the shock and wonder ever wear off!), I dove into books and the Internet to educate myself as much as possible as to what to expect for the next 7 months. I read about a million complications – preterm labour, how large I was going to get, and about Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS).

Being a worrier to begin with, I began to go over all the things that could go wrong, but most of all, I feared my babies would be affected by TTTS. That fear became real at my 21 week OB appointment. After a fairly easy pregnancy to that point, my OB declared there was a problem. “They are identical, they should be the same size” he said. My Twin B was two weeks behind her sister in size.

“This isn’t good, I think you have TTTS”.

The next thing we knew, my OB was sending us four hours away to the top TTTS hospital in our province, and we were being prepared for surgery. My whole world caved in. I remember calling my mom in tears, telling her how I was so scared to lose my girls. I didn’t know what to think or do. When we arrived we were given an extensive ultrasound – over two hours long.

As we sat down to discuss the results with the doctor, he said that we had no signs of TTTS. I was confused. He then said our itty bitty Baby B had Selective Intrauterine Growth Restriction. What? I hadn’t read about that during my research.

He explained sIUGR is an issue that can arise only in pregnancies where the babies share a placenta. Then, he drew us a diagram showing us that Baby B had a marginal cord insertion, which means her umbilical cord wasn’t centrally located, instead being off to one side. This means she was only being supported by 25% of the placenta whereas her sister was getting the other 75%.

The doctor (who was a Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist or MFM) said that I would need to be referred to my local MFM for weekly monitoring of growth and cord flow, but to expect a 36 week delivery by Caesarian section. The MFM also explained to me that many identical twins experience varying degrees of sIUGR due to cord placement, and that most sIUGR babies can catch up after birth.

I have to say I breathed a huge sigh of relief, considering we were expecting TTTS surgery that day. We headed home and started our weekly monitoring with my new MFM. He made sure to check UA umbilical artery (UA) and middle cerebral (MCA) artery dopplers, fluid levels, growth and bladder diameters at each ultrasound to stay on top of potential complications. At that point, we were watching UA cord flow to ensure it didn’t reverse, which would be cause for immediate delivery.

Every week was a rollercoaster. One week we would have intermittent/absent flow and our little would have only gained a few grams. Other weeks we had perfect cord flow and she was gaining beautifully. The most important thing I could hold on to was the advice I received on a Facebook support group for sIUGR/IUGR babies. I was advised that as long as there was SOME growth each week, and no reverse flow, we were okay.

I began to research more things I could do to help my babies grow. I read about a high protein diet so I made sure to take in as much as I could. Every week I either cried with worry, or felt cautiously optimistic.

Finally, as I approached 35 weeks, my sIUGR twin slowly stopped growing, and it was time to discuss induction. I had wanted to try for a VBAC, which my MFM was cautiously willing to try if I wanted to. However, after discussing the possible, and very real, risks involving a VBAC and my SIUGR twin, it was decided to schedule a C-section.

I made it to my scheduled date at 36.4 weeks, but oh, how I wished I could keep them in a little longer to grow a little bigger. When the MFM delivered my Twin A, she was a healthy weight of 5.6lbs. When my sIUGR twin was delivered, I remember the doctors saying how tiny she was, and the MFM said to me “I’m glad we got her out when we did”. She was 3.14lbs and the sweetest tiniest little pumpkin ever.

They whisked her off to the NICU, but assured me she was perfectly fine and would only be there 2-3 days max – she just needed to get her weight up before going home. She was alert, and nursing better than her “big” sister and we couldn’t wait to get them both home.

Unfortunately, she picked up a severe blood infection from an IV she received in the NICU, and her 3 day stay ended up being a scary 17 days full of close calls and a LOT of tears. Fast forward (and boy does time fast forward with babies) to today, where our sweet sIUGR twin Charlie is five months old. At three months, she was tipping the scales at over 11lbs, and her twin Addie was over 13lbs.

Charlie is perfect in every way, and although the doctors say she will likely always be “petite” she has overcome everything she’s been through like the little warrior she is. The smallest babies are always the fiercest. Charlie was followed by a dietician for the first two months of her life as she aimed to make her place on the growth charts, but she’s now above the 10th percentile and growing on her own perfect little curve.

We are very lucky.

sIUGR has many levels of severity, and our situation could have been much more difficult. Educating yourself is key. My OB didn’t know what it was and assumed it was TTTS. In fact, too many health professionals aren’t privy to the details of sIUGR and TTTS. I’m thankful to have been sent away for more testing, because ultimately I ended up being well taken care of by a MFM who knew what to look for and how to monitor a sIUGR pregnancy.

The number one thing I recommend to a mommy who has been diagnosed with sIUGR is to find a support group full of other moms who have been, or are going through, the same thing you are. They are often very knowledgable on what questions you should be asking and what kind of care you should be getting. I’m so thankful for those moms and the constant information and reassurance they offered.

There is nothing I did or didn’t do to cause sIUGR, and there was nothing I could do to fix or help the situation. That, of course, doesn’t help the guilt or helplessness you feel as a mommy. This is just another curveball in the crazy journey that is being a mom of multiples! Our babies aren’t the only warriors here after all!

What Is sIUGR?

Multiples and singletons alike, some babies are affected by a condition called intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR). This term describes a baby who is growing significantly slower than expected in the womb, one who is smaller than 90% of babies of the same gestational age (the time that has passed since conception). Causes of IUGR can be related to the placenta, through which the baby receives nutrition and oxygen, maternal health, or chromosomal issues. Selective intrauterine growth restriction (sIUGR) is a specific type of IUGR that only occurs in identical multiple pregnancies. The “selective” part means that not all babies’ regions of the placenta are impacted.

sIUGR occurs in about 10% of monochorionic pregnancies. Those of us with mono/mono or mono/di twins are at risk. (For more information on these terms and general information about twin pregnancies, please see our primer.) In sIUGR, one twin is getting so little of his or her share of the placenta that it is impacting growth. To be blunt, that twin is malnourished and possibly under-oxygenated. This is particularly obvious when comparing the sIUGR twin to his or her wombmate, who, all things being equal, should be about the same size.

MoMs, we are masters of guilt. If your baby has been diagnosed with sIUGR, it is not your fault. These things just happen. The fact that you have a diagnosis means that you’re doing what you should for your children. You’re getting regular medical care. Your doctors can help get your baby healthy.

How Does sIUGR Develop?

Background

Let’s make sure we’re all familiar with the basic terms.

Basic terminology to describe babies in the womb. Your baby receives nutrition through the umbilical cord from the placenta attached to your womb.

Let’s now look more closely at the placenta. The placenta is your babies’ anchor and food source. It is the place where mom’s cells and babies’ cells meet. Mom’s blood vessels bring in her oxygenated and nutrition-laden blood, which transfer their goodies to babies’ blood in babies’ blood vessels. On the way out, Mom’s blood picks up babies’ waste so that her body can get rid of it for them.

The blood vessels that carry blood to and from the baby in utero embed in the placenta to get oxygen and nutrition from mom.

Umbilical Cord Insertion

Ideally, the umbilical cord attaches to the placenta near its center, allowing plenty of room for blood vessels to spread out and maximize the connections between Mom and baby. However, this becomes more complicated when there’s more that one umbilical attaching to a shared placenta.

In most cases, as with Sadia’s daughters, each twin’s umbilical cord is close enough to the middle to claim plenty of placental real estate for his or her blood vessels. Complications can arise when the placenta is shared unevenly.

TTTS and sIUGR are complications that can arise when identical twins (or more) share a placenta unevenly.

 

sIUGR and TTTS

In rare cases, as with Jenn’s daughters, one umbilical cord attaches off to the side and doesn’t get its fair share. The other umbilical cord’s placement is still optimal. Only the undernourished baby is negatively affected, his or her growth limited by the nutrition making it through. This is sIUGR, a condition often initially misdiagnosed as TTTS.

In about 15% of twins who share a placenta, one twin gets far more than his or her share of the placenta while the other gets far less. This is called Twin-to-Twin Transfusion syndrome, or TTTS. In effect, the donor twin is giving a transfusion of the blood to the recipient twin. One baby ends up overfed and the other undernourished, which is dangerous for both babies.

An initial diagnosis of TTTS may be modified to one of sIUGR if observation of the possible donor twin finds that there’s nothing to be concerned about when it comes to cord insertion.

Surgery

TTTS surgery involves using a laser to block blood vessels carrying blood between the twins. Its benefit is primarily to the twin who is receiving too much blood. Medicine has not yet advanced to the point where surgery is available to make a greater blood supply available to the donor twin or to a baby diagnosed with sIUGR. Frequent ultrasound monitoring is the only real option, allowing your doctor to determine whether it’s safer for your babies to be delivered pre-term than to continue to be nourished in utero by the placenta.

If you have any questions about sIUGR or TTTS, please let us know. We’ll do our best to answer, although neither of us is a medical professional. You can find out much more about TTTS on the TTTS Foundation website.

 

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Are You Having Twins? And Other Nosy Questions When Expecting a Singleton

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The first time it was 2 for 1
The first time it was 2 for 1

I am now in my third trimester expecting a single baby, 4 ½ years after having fraternal twins. This time around, the pregnancy feels very different from when I was expecting the twins. In many ways, it’s simpler (less doctors’ visits) and in other ways, it’s more uncomfortable (feeling as big as when there were two in there).

One of the biggest differences are the comments and questions I’m getting from complete strangers. It reminds me of the comments we would get once the twins were born! With the twin pregnancy, I didn’t get nearly as many questions or remarks, probably because I was not out and about as much as I am now. They say with the second pregnancy you show quicker and get heavier. Even more so after having twins because, according to my doctor, the ligaments are stretched out from the twin pregnancy and the centre of gravity changes. Hence I started waddling much earlier than before. And given my petite frame, my ballooning belly sends the signal to everyone that I must be at, or very close to the due date.

With the twins, I was off work shortly after 24 weeks. This time, I’m still waddling around the office at 30 weeks. I can’t count the number of times people in my workplace (mostly women outside of my organization who don’t even know my name) have asked me questions or shown sympathy. One time, it was a lady in the washroom. It took three of my colleagues to reassure me afterwards that I would be fine and not to listen to others. Five minutes later, I had the same conversation with a stranger in the elevator.

Here are how those conversations typically unfold:

“Oh my, you must be due soon. You must be feeling so hot in this heat.”

“I have about two months to go. The heat isn’t too bad.. air-conditioned home, office, car…” (Next time I will tell them I was born in the desert and that Canadian summers don’t bother me.. winter does)

“Two months?? You look like you could go any day! Twins?” (How did she know I already… oh wait I get it)

“No, I already have twins. That’s why I’m so big this time.”

“Wow you have twins! Well you are looking lower than when I last saw you. I don’t mean to discourage you but I think you will go early.”

Next time I go to the bathroom or get into an elevator, I won’t mention my actual due date, or better yet, won’t make eye contact. I’m allowed to act grumpy, right?

What were some of the experiences that stood out for you during pregnancy?

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Twinfant Tuesday: What About the Older Children? Childcare During Childbirth

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Categories Birth Order, Birth Stories, Childcare, Community, Household and Family Management, How Do The Moms Do It, Infants, Older Children, Parenting, Pregnancy, Twinfant Tuesday4 Comments

We had returned from the hospital after receiving the most incredible news. In approximately six months’ time we were going to become the parents of twins! I was going to be a Mummy to four children!! We felt overwhelmed, excited, nervous, scared, and curious! I think I felt every emotion possible that afternoon.

Looking back to when I become pregnant with my first child, I remember my worries and concerns so clearly:

Was my baby healthy?

Was labour going to hurt?

Was I going to get fat?

What buggy? Cot? Bottles?

Seven years later as a pregnant mother of two children my concerns and worries could not have been more different. In addition to the health and wellbeing of my unborn babies, at the forefront of my mind were my two children and who was going to care for them when I was in hospital giving birth to our twins. I knew at that point that carrying twins meant that I was at increased chance of having a C-section. For me, that would mean a longer recovery time and the need to make extra arrangements for them.

Arranging the care of our older two children was our priority and it was something that we began to plan for more or less straight away.

These are my top tips for putting a plan into place for childcare during childbirth.

Make a List

We made a list of everyone who we could call on for help with the children if we needed too! At the top of our list were our parents. They would have been our first choice, but it just so happened that my in-laws were taking a holiday when the babies were born. My Mum works full time so was unable to take sole responsibility. We filled our list with Aunties, Uncles and Godparents.

We are lucky to have such a big family and support network, but as soon as we announced the news we were pregnant with multiples we were inundated with offers of help from friends and extended family members. We could have filled our list ten times over.

Have a Plan A and B, … C, D, E, and F

The morning I was due to be induced with the babies, we had everything figured out. The children knew exactly where they were staying, who was collecting them from school and nursery, who was driving them to their out of school clubs. I was happy, relaxed, and confident and ready to meet the two newest members of our family.

But I wasn’t induced on that day! They didn’t have enough room or enough staff in the hospital to perform a safe deliver. I didn’t end up giving birth until the following day!

Be prepared for every eventuality. Make sure your children and the people who are caring for them are aware that everything might not go to plan. I was due to be induced so I had an idea of when I was going to have my babies. Still, being pregnant with twins puts you at increased risk of premature delivery. The timing of your babies’ births could be very unpredictable.

I was lucky to get to nearly 38 weeks with my babies but many Mums of Multiples don’t make it that far. Having someone on the end of the phone that you could call upon at short notice or a neighbour who lives close by would be ideal.

Inform School and Nursery

Our daughter’s nursery was fantastic around the time the twins were born. She was able to do extra days at short notice and we were able to collect her later during my pregnancy when appointments at the hospital ran over. My son’s school showed the same support and helpfulness. After the babies were born, the sincere offers of help we received from school were a great comfort. Knowing they were there if we needed them was priceless, especially through those first few tricky weeks.

Be Prepared for a Caesarean Section

The chances of having a normal delivery compared to having a C-section with twins is around 50/50.

Even if, like me, you plan to have a normal delivery, making arrangements for someone else to do the school run and help out with your older children for at least six weeks following the birth is a necessity. I was lucky. I got to have the birth I wanted and was fit to drive and do the school run not long after. Still, my husband had previously rearranged all his working hours for those first six weeks to make sure he was on hand to do school runs and chauffeur our little ones to after school clubs.

We had lots of offers from our children’s friends’ parents, who were eager to help us out with school transportation. Sometimes even now I will get someone to come and sit with the babies whilst I quickly dash out to collect our little boy. Anything that makes life easier is a good thing!!

Prepare Your Older Children for Change

Having made a plan for the care of our children, I felt content and happy with knowing who was going to look after them. My other biggest concern was how my little boy and girl were feeling about the arrival of their new siblings. Our little girl had limited knowledge of what was going on.

She knew that mummy had a big belly and there were two babies living in there. I knew that their arrival was probably going to affect her just as much as much as our little boy, if not more. I couldn’t talk through her worries or her concerns about the situation as she didn’t fully understand.

We read a book called I’m Having Twins by Paris Morris.

I'm Having Twins by Paris Morris can help prepare your toddler for the arrival to two new babies.

It’s a book that tells the story of a family having twins from the perspective of the little girl. It’s a book I would definitely recommend. Both our children enjoyed it. It is aimed at children a little older than our then nearly-two-year-old but our daughter still loves the story 10 months after her twins’ birth!

Our little boy was initially really excited for the arrival of the twins but as my due day approached he expressed concern about how our life would continue as before. We were open and honest with him and explained that life was going to change, but in a positive way. Children are extremely resilient in the face of change.

Although we are always advised of this, as parents we can’t help but worry about the impact that huge life events are going to have on our little ones. As a parent who has already been through this, I can assure you that when your twin babies do arrive, your older children will adapt and they will take all the changes that there new siblings bring in their stride. In fact, less than 24 hours after the babies’ homecoming our eldest two children were more concerned with planning a trip to the park.

Kerry Shaw's older children adjusted remarkably quickly to the addition of two new babies to their family.

We’re ten months on from the birth of our babies. It’s very hard to imagine our life before. Our little girl, I’m sure, does not remember life before and our little boy is the most wonderful big brother. He absolutely adores his siblings and for a child that’s gone from been an only child to having three siblings in less than two years, his attitude and resilience to change is remarkable.

As for all the worrying I did, it was completely unnecessary. If I could give one piece of advice to every expectant mother, it would be to try not to worry. The children you already have will exhibit strength, resilience, and an ability to adapt to situations that really will have you beaming with pride. Maybe you’ll feel, as I do, as much pride in them as you have in yourself for giving birth to multiples!

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PSA for Pregnant MoMs: Listen to Your Body

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Colleen C shares her triplet birth story with the How Do You Do It? community. She’d like to remind expectant mothers of multiples to listen to their bodies.

I was scheduled for a C-section at 38 weeks, but only made it to 34 weeks with my triplets. Here’s the thing. I was so used to feeling huge and uncomfortable that I completely missed all the signs of labor for hours!

I’d spent the day, as usual, running around after my 8 year-old daughter. I’d gone to a PTA meeting, done the grocery shopping, and taken care of all the business that comes with having a school-age child. I dismissed the growing aches I felt as a sign that I was just overdoing it a bit.

At dinner time, my (then) husband looked at me and said, “Um… you don’t look so good. Maybe we should call the doctor?”.

I waved him off and said that I was fine, but he said, “No, you really don’t look good!”. He insisted on calling the doctor. I told him to ask if it was OK for me to take a Tylenol.

As he described my symptoms over the phone, my doctor said, “She’s in labor. Get her to the hospital!” I took the phone and said, “I can’t be in labor . . . I’m having a scheduled C-section!”, to which the doctor replied, “Change in plan! Stop being stubborn and go to the hospital!”

We got someone to watch our daughter, grabbed a suitcase and headed out from our Jersey suburb to our hospital in NYC, promptly getting stuck in a huge traffic jam. By this time, the labor pains had started ramping up, and we were starting to panic that the babies were going to come in the middle of the New Jersey Turnpike.

We eventually made it through, and when we arrived at the hospital, my doctor was already there—delivering another set of triplets! They prepped me to go as soon as the first mother was finished. It all turned out well, and the two of us new moms were next to each other in the recovery room, chatting away while they attended to all of our new babies.

The lesson: LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! The best-laid plans of doctors and modern medicine often change because Mother Nature has her own schedule. Don’t run around trying to be Wonder Woman, taking care of everyone else. Take care of yourself and your babies first. I wish that I’d paid closer attention. I would have gotten myself to the hospital hours sooner, instead of endangering myself and my babies.

I would have been a lot less stressed if I’d taken the time to hear what my body was telling me. Good luck to you, and God bless!

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Multiples in the Womb – National Geographic documentary

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As if we needed any proof that our multiples are miracles, National Geographic has a wonderful documentary about the life of multiples in utero. See 4D ultrasound of siblings interacting before they’re even born.

The In the Womb series also includes a video entirely about identical twins in the womb, which we just loved. Do be aware that there’s a scene in both films with a silhouette of the act of conception that you may want to skip through if you haven’t had The Talk yet. There are also diagrams of male and female anatomy. You may want to watch it all the way through without kids at least once.

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Full-Term Envy Finally Ending

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Being a Mother of Premature Infants

I’m a preemie mom. I have healthy, happy, smart, opinionated, confident, amazing 8-year-old daughters. They’ve overcome any challenges thrown their way because of their premature birth. They were incredibly healthy for their gestational age, and they were far from micro-preemies, being born at 33 weeks. And yet, I am and always will be a preemie mom.

Preemies shortly after birth compared to age 7 from hdydi.com

I have this enormous guilt at not having carried my daughters longer in my womb. I can’t help wondering if I could have given them just a few more days if I were taller or had gained more weight. Perhaps I could have gone on leave from work earlier and rested to prolong the pregnancy. My one job was give them a safe place to grow for 38-42 weeks, and I failed.

It’s not rational. I know that my daughters are above average in pretty much every area other than height. I know that 50% of twins are born prematurely, and I certainly wouldn’t give up having the both of them! More time in the womb might not have changed a thing. As my very wise 8-year-old M told me last week, “I am who I am because of everything in my life, including how I was born.” And I admit, I really like who she is.

Still, I suffer from what I call full-term envy.

Full-Term Envy

Every time I hear a pregnant woman wishing that the baby would come already because she’s uncomfortable, I want to tell her, “Do you know what I would have given to be that uncomfortable, just to give my babies a better start in life? Do you know how badly my neighbour, the micro-preemie mom, could have used 16 more weeks?” When I hear about the C-section scheduled around business priorities, I want to ask, “What if Baby just wants a little more time snuggled in there? What’s the rush?”

There’s a little stab in my chest when I hear about women reaching 34, 35, 36 weeks and farther in their pregnancies. I used to occasionally cry on hearing birth weights in the 6, 7 and 8 lb range. My daughters were only 3 lb 6 oz and 3 lb 9 oz at birth. And yet they’re here and healthy, and I know how fortunate I am.

Whole-Hearted Joy

Last week, something extraordinary happened. A dear friend asked me if I had any ideas on how to convince her son to make his way into the world… and full-term envy didn’t raise its ugly head. I felt compassion for her discomfort and shared her readiness to meet her son. I didn’t resent her full-term pregnancy. When I heard his 8 lb 1 oz birth weight a few days ago, I felt nothing but joy and a hunger to meet him and snuggle him and congratulate my friends.

I’m not sure why this baby is different. Perhaps it’s because I felt the loss of the miscarriage that came before him. Perhaps it’s because I found out that he would be joining us minutes after his mom learned that she was pregnant. Perhaps it’s because he feels like a brother to my daughters, who already love him as their own. Perhaps it’s because I was there every step of the way, seeing all the ways in which he took over Mommy’s body as he grew. Perhaps it was just knowing that his mom and her husband see my daughters as part of their family. They know M & J’s story, know the odds that they’ve beaten. My friend also knows the micro-preemie down the street, too, the 10-year-old bolt of energy who was born at 24 weeks and whose only long-term impact was on her eyesight.

I suspect that in experiencing the full breadth of my friend’s pregnancy as a witness, I healed the wounds from my own pregnancy being cut short. Maybe this little baby has vanquished my full-term envy.

What aspect of parenting to you feel envy about?

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