Category Archives: Pregnancy

Twin Pregnancy vs Singleton Pregnancy

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I had twins first.  Unexpectedly.  I didn’t even know there were two little peas in the pod until an 18 week ultrasound said there were.  Surprise for sure.

So, I have wondered since what that singleton baby pregnancy would be like.  Would it be similar?  Would I get as big, as my womb was already very stretched out from the previous two occupants?  How long would I go since I didn’t have a cut-off gestational date quite like I did with twins (38 weeks)?  How much weight would I gain with just one baby?  How would I feel? Would I end up with another C-section?  And many other similar questions swam through my head.

I’m sure I’m not the only mother of twins who had these questions.  While not all twin moms have their set of twins (or other multiples) first, many do.  And for these women, I would like to answer the above questions as they applied to me.

First, my pregnancy overall was very similar in how I felt, especially in those first few months.  But, I had less morning sickness/nausea this time around, though that could have had more to deal with the fact that I was at home all day and could eat a little something any time I needed to, unlike when I was pregnant with my twins and was going to school full-time and in the marching band as well.  I had a similar amount of heart burn, indigestion, and fatigue.   I didn’t have as much of a problem with varicose veins or Charlie horses this time though.

Having only one child swimming around inside of your belly is much different than having two or more.  I could much more easily and readily guess what those lumps, jabs, and swooshes were going on inside of my abdomen.  With twins, you not only have a harder time guessing what body part that was, but whose it was as well.

Joyously,  I didn’t gain as much weight (my biggest fear) the second time around!  With the twins I gained about 50lbs, going to almost 38 weeks gestation with them.  With one baby I gained about 35-40lbs and went to just shy of 42 weeks gestation.  However, with the singleton pregnancy, I started to show much sooner than I did with the twins.  But, I’m pretty sure that’s just how most subsequent pregnancies go though.  (See my twin belly montage post HERE)

And I did and didn’t get as round.  While my belly did end up sticking out as much as my twin pregnancy (basketball/torpedo style), there was a difference: I wasn’t as round at the top.  I still had room under my rib cage.  I could breathe easier with a singleton pregnancy, even at the end.  And the one little guy didn’t kick me in the ribs.  With twins, I had no room under my rib cage as there was a child floating around up there!  (See my 40 week singleton belly picture HERE)

I didn’t gain any more stretch marks on my belly (as if I could), but I did get stretch marks on my butt, of all places.  My belly didn’t itch hardly at all like it did when I had two in there.  I still had round ligament pain, lots of Braxton-Hicks contractions, and a baby pinching those sciatic nerves, though.

But, I was really nervous about giving birth, however.  Since I had a scheduled C-section with the girls, I didn’t even know what a real contraction felt like.  I didn’t know how I would handle it.  I didn’t know how much it would hurt.  I knew I wanted a vaginally delivery, but I was scared.  So, I read several birthing books, and tried to prepare the best I could, although I never did make it to any birthing classes.  Thankfully, I handled the early contractions and labor fairly well, though I did end up getting an epidural after more than 24 hours of labor.

But, I am so happy to report that I did not have a repeat C-section!  I was able to deliver my singleton son vaginally. (Read his full birth story HERE.)  While doing so meant I had the wonderful privilege of waiting 13 days after his due date until I was able to hold him in my arms, I am so glad I had a successful VBAC.

With twins at home, I did not want to laid up in the hospital for 3-4 days, be on drugs for several weeks, and have a hard time picking them and other toys and things up around the house.  (Read THIS post for more of my reasons to opt for a VBAC.)  I wanted an easier, quicker recovery from childbirth, especially since we would not be having any help after we came home.

To my happiness, it is indeed how my recovery was with a VBAC.  My son is now 6 weeks old, and I have been feeling great, most of the time.  My body has bounced back much quicker.  I was only on a simple ibuprofen for about a week postpartum, not codeine for two weeks.  My bottom was sore instead of my abdomen.  A VBAC meant that I was still able to take care of my twin three-year olds by myself.  I was able to comfortably pick them up for the first time in months (no pregnant belly in the way).  I had more energy to play with them, after a short while, as I was no longer winded after I climbed the stairs, like I was while pregnant.

Also, my son spent zero time in the NICU.  One of my twins, though born at almost 38 weeks, spent two days in the NICU, recovering from a partially collapsed lung.  With my singleton birth, I also got to hold my child immediately afterwards, unlike with the twins.  I didn’t hold either of my girls until four hours had passed after delivery, and then only one of them.  With my son’s birth, I was able to leave the hospital after a short 38 hours after giving birth.  I stayed four days at the hospital after I had my C-section delivery of my twins.

If you had twins first, how did your pregnancy compare to a subsequent singleton pregnancy?  Better or worse?  Did you have a repeat C-section (if you had one the first time)?  What did you fear most?

ldskatelyn is a wife, and proud new mother to a six-week old boy and three-year old fraternal twin daughters.  She is enjoying adjusting to life as a mother to three and enjoying having her body (mostly) back after being pregnant for nine long months.  She blogs about her life and family over at whatsupfagans.blogspot.com

Am I Being Responsible?

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I keep assuming that my experiences this pregnancy will be similar to the ones I had in my singleton pregnancies. I have been wrong over and over again. My first Ob appointment was no exception… totally different.

My Dr. started my first visit by saying ” I know since you’ve done this three times you feel like you’re an expert, but you’ve never been pregnant with twins”. He then went through a whole list of ways this pregnancy would be different: 2 gestational diabetes tests, more weight gain, more caloric demands, no more running, more appointments, more ultrasounds. None of those phased me. Then he hit me with “Now you know you’ll have to labor and deliver in the OR and you’ll have to have an epidural.”

What?

He then went on to explain that he understood how I felt about having natural births, but I needed to get comfortable with a very different experience “For the safety of the babies”. When I asked if I could try laboring without an epidural he said that it was my choice but “he’d just put me under when it was time for my C-section”

I literally didn’t know how to respond. So I didn’t.

With each of my births I have used less and less intervention. W’s  had the works: pitocin, epidural, the Dr. broke my water, and constant monitoring. G’s had a little less. O’s was intervention free: My water broke at home, no pain meds, no IV, and intermittent monitoring. I am proud of and happy with all of my births. They each resulted in a healthy baby. One of my friends asked me recently why I prefer natural birth. I explained to her that she competed in triathlons and I had babies. I love the challenge of getting through the pain and watching what my body can do. I am seriously weird in that I look forward to labor.

When I found out I was pregnant this time my husband and I decided that we’d like to use a midwife and deliver at a free standing birth center. He’s an ob/gyn so this decision didn’t come easily for us. We talked and talked and read and read. We felt confident in our decision. Then we found out it was twins and our plans changed.  We agreed that we both felt safer having the babies at a hospital. We felt better knowing that if something did happen we’d have experts on hand to help and  we wouldn’t have to waste time getting to a hospital.

So here’s my dilemma: How much intervention is needed in order to be responsible?  I had already happily come to terms with delivering in a hospital.  I’d also decided that I could deal with having  to labor and deliver in the O.R., but is having an epidural really necessary? Also, why is my Dr assuming I’ll have to have a C section?  And telling me he’ll “just put me under”? is he being flippant?

All I want is the CHANCE to have these babies vaginally without an epidural.  Is that being irresponsible?

I’ve had one more visit with Dr. Doom (my new name for him) since the awful first one.  I didn’t have the nerve to bring up our discussion.  I didn’t ask any questions and realized I was smiling and shaking my head a lot.  If you asked him I’m sure he’d say the visit went fine.  I left the appointment feeling like I either need to find a new Dr. or  have a very open conversation with him. Neither of those options sound particularly fun.

Per my usual I have launched into research mode. I’ve questioned other twin moms about their experiences, I’ve read all I can find on birthing multiples, and I have talked with my husband and a midwife friend about their approaches to delivering twins.  I’ve learned a lot and in the end I think I’ve realized that I still need to know more. So much of this decision to birth vaginally or by C section and with what interventions is dependent on my babies.

Right now my plan is to become comfortable with not knowing how I will give birth to these babies. This is very hard for my type A uber organized self.  I still want the chance to deliver naturally, but I won’t dig my heels in and refuse other options. I think being open is the only responsible choice.

Talk to me about your birth experiences. Anyone deliver their babies naturally? How much intervention did you find was truly necessary? Would you change anything about your birth?

 

Elizabeth lives in Central Texas with her husband and 3 sons.  She is 13 weeks pregnant with twins. 

 

Can Moms of Multiples Have It All?!?

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Something I have considered from seemingly every angle before getting pregnant was whether or not I’d want to return to work after having kids. I forwarded Anne-Marie Slaughter’s article “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All” (The Atlantic) to my working mom friends, or friends of child-bearing age, followed the Yahoo CEO story closely and am looking forward to reading Lean In when time allows.  Love these discussions, whether I’m talking to a SAHM or a single woman who never sees themselves having kids.  Now that I’m pregnant, it feels like I’m admitting to a crime when I say that, while I can discuss my opinions about maternity leave pay in our country, or gender-specific expectations around child-rearing, etc, etc, the deep down truth is that I always wanted to work after kids (and still want to return).

Of course, an angle I didn’t quite consider is that I might have twins, and have the daycare costs for twin infants, the emotional impact of leaving behind TWO infants and perhaps double the sleep deprivation to contend with in the early days back at my desk. When we started trying to have kids, I was in a very stressful, unhealthy work environment, and it only took about six unsuccessful months of trying for me to question whether my stress level was impacting my fertility. I started looking for jobs elsewhere, took a pay cut and began my work in an area in which I was less passionate, but allowed me to get out to the increasingly frequent reproductive endocrinologist’s appointments and take more time for myself.

I felt guilty taking a new job, knowing that we were actively trying to get pregnant, and decided to tell my boss about our fertility treatments early on. I do recall her giving her support, as long as I was planning on returning to work. (Of course, this was probably unnecessary, as it still took another 8 months to get pregnant.) While I occasionally miss some of the more passion-driven days at my old job, I definitely have settled into a new role where I can do things like (ahem!) write blog posts in my down time and relish waking up a little later and still having time to do yoga before work. Upon finding out I was expecting two babies, some questions started popping into my head: If this doubles the cost of daycare, is it worth it to still work? If we break even with my salary and day care, is it STILL worth it? I don’t know any moms of twins in my life who returned 5 days per week (well, ones without ample help). Am I crazy for considering this? Will weekends and minimal time at night during the week feel like enough time with my little ones?

I have always worked two jobs. Like, for the last 14 years. (Don’t worry-I only have three weeks left of job number two, and will only be returning to one after the babies arrive.) While I absolutely strive to maintain other parts of my identity (artist, aspiring chef, yoga enthusiast, world traveler, wife in a healthy marriage) other than employee, I am not going to lie: I enjoy working full-time, being needed in a work place, and possibly most importantly, feeling part of a community, both in the sense of working people in the world, and also in my small non-profit. I decided to commit to returning full-time, taking comfort in the fact that I now have a VERY short commute, have found a nanny who is amazing, and have a very laid-back work environment.

In the eight weeks or so since I announced that I’m pregnant at work, my boss has resigned (the head honcho of our agency) and more recently, the chairperson of the board that oversees our whole agency announced his plans to step down. My perfectly-laid plan of returning to a stress-free environment seems to be crumbling before my eyes. I’ve questioned whether I may want to apply for said head honcho role, to ensure the laid-back attitude prevails. And I’ve questioned whether I will be able to get through if someone new is hired who cracks the whip a little more… Yes, of course, another lesson in, (big shocker here) things I cannot control! I feel pretty certain I’ll return either way and see how things go…

I realize there are previous HDYDI blog posts on working moms. I’d love to hear from working moms, especially those in leadership roles, who have thoughts about returning to work after 12 weeks off.

Family Planning with Twins

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Having twins rocked my world, I’m not going to lie. I never considered twins a possibility when I thought about starting a family and even skipped all the sections on twins in my prenatal books until I found out it was happening to me. Only weeks after my husband and I deciding we were going to start a family, I became pregnant. 10 weeks after that, we found out it was twins. I was shocked, surprised, scared, and any number of S words you can use to describe ones emotions. I kept telling myself that since these twins were natural, I was going to be spared from the laundry list of twin pregnancy risks you are told about. “It was meant to be” was my mantra for 38 weeks and I whole-heartily believe it.

Pregnancy was not what I would call easy, but looking back, it was not terrible either (likely because I do not know any different). I had morning (noon and night) sickness for 18 weeks, I had weeeeeeks of feeling really great, and then I had 3 weeks of bed rest to keep my little guys cooking away as long as possible. Because both babies were breech, I ended up having a c-section at 38 weeks despite my being a student of the Bradley method. My c-section experience was not textbook, I am sad to say, and I ended up hemorrhaging after delivery. Although it was scary at the time, I recovered quite well and have been assured that it was a flukish thing that can happen when you have twins and is not likely to happen if there are future pregnancies.

Now that my guys are 15 months old, my husband and I are starting to reflect on whether or not we should increase the size of our family. I never thought I would be asking myself this question after only one pregnancy. Because I waited until after I finished my PhD and post doc to get pregnant, I figured I would pop out two kids, one right after the other, to make up for not getting pregnant in my 20’s. (Turns out- this is what happened but instead of 1.5 years between kids, there is 1.5 minutes, ha!). I pictured myself having two kids but I thought I would have to have two pregnancies to get them. Now that I have twins, I am wondering if we should roll the dice again and try for more children. I know it is commonplace to be pregnant while you are raising a toddler but, in truth, it scares me. I am (worrying) wondering how you effectively parent twin toddlers while creating the life of a third? How do you start the clock again on sickness, tiredness and breastfeeding baby(ies?) right when your toddlers are bursting with energy? How do you change your parenting techniques to raise a singleton when you are so used to parenting twins?

Deciding whether or not to have children is a very personal decision and I am not asking to have that debate. I am, however, trying to explore the worries that come with being twin parents who are thinking about adding other children to the family. How do you do it?

The Top 10 Worst Reactions To My “It’s Twins” Announcement

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I am 11 weeks pregnant with twins. This isn’t my first pregnancy. In fact, these will be my fourth and fifth babies. Since I’d announced three other pregnancies I foolishly thought this time wouldn’t be any different.

I had no idea that upon hearing “It’s twins” any filter or manners a person may have immediately go out the window. Here are the 10 worst reactions I’ve experienced:

  1. “Better you than me.”

    Why? Do you know something I don’t know?

  2. “I’m sure you’re stoked but I’d die!”

    This was said to me by a nurse practitioner at my pediatrician’s office. Shouldn’t she be easing my nerves? Shouldn’t she have wonderful advice and maybe other twins moms I could talk to? Shouldn’t she stop using the word stoked?

  3. “You’re going to need a new house”

    “You’re going to need a new car”

    Thank you for your concern but do you think that you’re sharing new information? I can assure you that the financial needs of 5 kids were some of my very first thoughts and fears.

  4. “Was this planned?”

    ummmmm… yes? I have always been an overachiever.

  5. “You’re going to HAVE to pump… give formula… get them on the same schedule… hire help.”

    I assume you’re basing this on your vast experience with twins.

  6. “My friend was pregnant with twins but she lost one at ___ weeks”

    Thanks. Like I wasn’t already worried about miscarriage or vanishing twin syndrome.

  7. “Welp, guess we won’t be seeing you next year!”

    Said a teacher at my son’s school. As she’s perusing the buffet I organized for a Valentines treat. No soup for you!

  8. “Maybe NOW you’ll get your girl”

    Because my 3 boys are so terrible?

  9. “Oh! Your poor poor boys”

    Siblings suck. So do big families. WTH?

  10. “You’re going to be HUGE!!!!”

    I know this is true, but I really don’t want to hear about it. Especially from someone wearing a size 0.

Not everyone’s reactions were awful. There are many sweet ones that stay with me when I’m feeling nervous about having 2 babies. The next time someone tells you they are expecting multiples please hug them, tell them they are the perfect mom for their babies, and remind them you’ll be there the whole time.

Elizabeth is expecting twins and is the mom to three amazing boys. She lives in central Texas.

Seriously…How Do You Do It?

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The name of this blog is just so appropriate.  I meet people all the time who say “I don’t know how you do it!”  My own mother can encourage me (or commiserate!) when she says “I don’t know how you do it!”  But it was under a year ago that I found out I was having twins, and after the initial shock and happiness wore off, I was left with the question “How will I do it?”

I think lots of MoMs to be, particularly if this is their first pregnancy, must ask themselves this question on a daily basis.  From carrying and birthing two babies, to breastfeeding, to soothing in the middle of the night, we just don’t know how we’ll cope.

And it’s not just the newborn phase or even the babies themselves—it’s the stroller, the high chairs, the clothes, the stuff—everywhere we turn we are confronted by another overwhelming child-rearing dilemma.

Project Procrastinot newborn twins

We had no idea what we were in for!

Nearly six months in, my “how will I do it” moments are quite different than they were when my twins were born.  Currently, I am wondering if I will ever sleep again and what introducing solid foods will be like.  For every transition we face, there is a brief moment of panic when I try to figure things out (okay, sometimes it’s not so brief).

When I was pregnant and asked every mother of twins that I could find “How do you do it?!” The vague and ubiquitous answer was “you just do” or “whatever it takes.”  And now that my twins are almost HALF A YEAR OLD (how did that happen!?), I can say that this is the same wisdom I wlll pass down to other MoMs to be.

But what does that mean?  For our family, it means not overthinking things.  I get more stressed out when I try to analyze every detail or plan every nuance.  The babies have a way of teaching you what works best.  So go with the flow, specifically, their flow.  You will find a way that works for you.  And don’t panic if it’s not the same way that Suzy Q does it, or if the first way you try doesn’t work out.  At this moment I have two cribs next to each other IN MY BEDROOM.  Certainly not something I planned, and not the arrangement I hope to live with forever.  But for right now? It’s what we gotta do and it works.

Mercedes and her husband live in Aberdeen, Scotland, where they spend restless nights with their b/g twins born in September 2012. 

New Author Intro

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Hello everyone!

I figured I need to introduce myself while I still have the time.  My name is Katelyn Fagan and I blog over at What’s Up Fagans? 

At 24 years of age I find myself as a wife, a Brigham Young University  graduate, a part-time artist, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and a stay-at-home mom to fraternal twin daughters.  My family and I currently live in Indianapolis, IN, USA though I was born and raised in Wisconsin, USA.  My husband and I met while attending our respective colleges out in Utah, which is where we later delivered our twin daughters.  Currently my husband is a part-time graduate student and part-time university math teacher.  Our fraternal twin daughters, Lisa and Alison, will be three next month, and we are expecting our third baby, a boy, ANY day now (I’ve past my due date).  We are excited to finally be able to meet and hold our little boy, and nervous about parenting kids at different ages.

I look forward to writing on How Do You Do It? and getting to know you all better!  I try to write honestly about my struggles as a parent, a person, a Christian, as well as a financially challenged family, with some humor and hopefully some optimism too.

If you want to get to know me better, here are a few posts I have written that you may find interesting:

My Twin Pregnancy Overview

The Birth Story of my Twin Daugthers

The Things People to Say to the Parents of Twins

Marriage After Kids (Twins)

The Joys of Twindom

Twins do Make My Hands Full

The Decision to Stay-at-Home is not always easy

Why Parenting Twins Is Hard

I look forward to sharing and learning about twins and other multiples!  What a joy we all share!

Thanks!

Katelyn Fagan of whatsupfagans.blogspot.com

Quad Momma +1 Intro

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Hello everyone!

I thought I would take a moment to introduce myself!   My name is Paige, and I live just outside of Parry Sound, Ontario, Canada.

I am happily married to my husband Greg, and we just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary.  We have a beautiful 4 year old girl, and recently welcomed home GGBB quadruplets, who are now 20weeks old, 11 weeks corrected.

I have been blogging throughout our journey at www.lubbelinkhof.ca if you’d like to check us out from the start.

Here are a few things you should know about me:

#1 – I am a Christian, and while I don’t typically blog about this it may come up.

#2 – I have PCOS.  I do not ovulate.

#3 – We took medications to get pregnant.

#4 – I breastfeed 90% and supplement 10%.  Yes it can be done! :)

#5 – I tell it like it is. I am not super mom. I do not pretend to be.

#6 – Our oldest daughter is Madelyn Grace.  She was born a healthy 7 pounds 11 ounces at 38 weeks.  Next up our babies were born at 31 weeks 1 day, and the first is Jessa Joy, followed by Alyssa Faith, Brett Paul, and Colton Gregory. We spent 1 week in the Level 3 NICU in Toronto, then 5 weeks in the Level 2 NICU in Orillia.

#7 – All of our kiddos are healthy, however we do receive support from PT for Alyssa & Colton. Alyssa also receives OT for her “over active” vestibular system, and Infant Development follows all of our kids.

#8 – I love answering questions so fire away! The only way to find out is to ask. Its much easier for me to answer them then to come up with random blogs on my own, so if there’s something specific you’d like to see, let me know!

#9 – Because of the current craziness of life my posts are likely to be sporadic, but I want to attempt my best to post here as often as I can!  Please feel free to reach me at paigelubbelinkhof@gmail.com or comment here.

Until next time,

Mrslubby.

Public Versus Private

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This is more of a reflection on being pregnant for the first time, than it is related to multiples, so take from it what you will. I am 16 weeks pregnant with twins, now, and there have been plenty of things that have been surprising thus far. (Who knew that a pregnancy symptom was getting bloody noses? Or your gums bleeding like crazy when you floss?) There have been plenty of things that haven’t been so surprising, too. (It taking a while to set in that there are babies growing in there, not just unexplained weight gain, etc.)

Of course, I knew that people would walk up to you and touch your stomach without hesitating or comment on how big or small you are. But, I didn’t know how uncomfortable I’d feel in that spotlight. It could be that I’ve been a therapist in the realm of eating disorder treatment for 7 years and have it quite engrained in my head that you just don’t comment on the size of other women’s bodies, positively or negatively. It could be that I’m a feminist and believe that women’s bodies are private property. Sometimes there isn’t even a touching of the stomach. But, I’ll run into one of my parents friends who I know knows that I’m pregnant with twins, but I haven’t seen since. And their eyes immediately go to my stomach. I’m sure I’ve done this a gazillion times to other pregnant women, too. It’s natural. You hear they’re pregnant, and the first thing you do is look to see if they’re showing. And if you hear they’re having twins-all the more reason to see if they look bigger than you’d expect. But there’s something in that gaze that feels invasive to me. It feels like implied judgment-are you eating enough for three of you? You don’t look as big/little as so-and-so did when she was pregnant with twins… I know, I’ll need to get used to this.

Another thing. Thanks to you all, I was prepared for many of the intrusive questions: “Do twins run in your family?” “Did you do fertility treatments?” And for the unwarranted commentary: “Better you than me.” “Double trouble,” and the like. I don’t think I was prepared for how many people, most of whom don’t even have multiples, would “warn” me about how hard it will be. I want to make a t-shirt, or a stamp for my forehead that reads, “Yes, I know it will be hard. Please be excited for us anyways.” I’ve already got the list in my head of things never to say to infertile women. (“Don’t worry, you’re young.” “If you just relax, it’ll happen.” “At least you don’t have cancer.”) And now I’m starting to compile a list in my head of things I’ll try never to say to a pregnant woman. My number one: “You’re tired now, just wait!”

The upside to all of this is that I’m probably developing a thicker skin. And I suppose a positive way to look at the very private experience of being pregnant becoming public is that many of these people are simply trying to help take care of me and my growing babies.

What would you put on the list of things you’ll never say to a pregnant woman?

Four Boys=Two Sets of Twins

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If you love Valentine’s Day, you’ll love this story.  On Valentine’s Day last week, a Texas couple welcomed the new additions to their family–all four of them.  Tressa Montalvo gave birth to the couple’s second through fifth sons last Thursday at The Woman’s Hospital of Texas after carrying them for 31 weeks.

The couple were originally told they were expecting twins before hearing four heartbeats.  The verdict?  Two sets of identical twins!  Conceived without any fertility treatments, the chances of this happening are one in 70 million. According to the mother, their plans for this pregnancy “succeeded a little too much.”  The boys, named Ace, Blaine, Cash and Dylan (A-B-C-D), are healthy and could be going home in the next four to six weeks.

I can only imagine the comments people must be throwing at them…from “double the double trouble” to the obligatory “you’ve got your hands full,” to the well-intentioned “now you’re done!”  But you might be surprised at Manuel’s reaction to the last one.  He’s still hoping for a girl!

Congratulations to the happy family!  Who knows, maybe soon we’ll be seeing them around HDYDI?

Click Here to see the CBS video clip.