Category Archives: Napping

Baby Sleep Books: A Review

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This post has been put on hold for quite a while. First, it was because I was in the depths of sleep training hell, then when that got better I was waiting to finish up several chapters, and after that, well… I guess I just started to feel like I was writing a book report for school or something. But though I know these books have already been reviewed in the archives of HDYDI, I think the insight I’ve gained from them may possibly help some new MoMs. So here we go:

Weissbluth

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This is the book I started with, because it is more specific to twins, and I just needed a refresher since I already read a friend’s copy before the babies were born. It’s a very easy read, comprised of extremely intuitive advice that completely makes sense to me. I think it helped validate exactly how I’ve always felt about sleep for babies. There are a couple chapters in the beginning regarding his research and theories that are very interesting. If you’re looking for a quick fix for a common problem (e.g. how to create a schedule for both babies, how to stop bedtime crying, etc.), this is probably a good book to start with. The best gem of this book: “Sleep begets sleep.”

Pantley

no_cry_sleep

I bought this one because I wanted to get a perspective that wasn’t “cry it out” related. This book is geared towards parents who are opposed to letting their babies cry themselves to sleep. I was never really one of those parents, even with my first singleton, but now that I have two more babies, Pantley’s strategies really wouldn’t work for me. This book requires creating some pretty extensive sleep logs and QUITE a bit a patience. By that I mean, probably no one desperate for sleep would be able to hang in there for what may take weeks, if not months. But if the sound of your child crying is making you miserable, or if your baby requires a slower approach, you might want to give this a try. It really is a much gentler way.

Ferber

ferberbook

This is by far the most comprehensive book of the three. It includes very detailed information about sleep and virtually every sleep disorder there can be. Definitely some interesting reading in the later chapters (head banging, sleep apnea, narcolepsy, etc.), but you really only need to read half of Part II and Part III (Chapters 4-6, 9-12). Ferber is known for “cry it out”, but in his book it’s called “progressive waiting”, and I don’t find it particularly harsh at all. In fact, this method is probably the one that works the best and quickest. It’s written in a case study format, with some great charts for reference. There are also some great instructions for shifting nap schedules. I think this is the one I will come back to if I run into trouble transitioning my babies to new schedules in the future.

 …………….

So, while going insane with my babies not on any kind of feed/sleep schedule, I scoured the internet and bought these 3 books after reading some Amazon reviews. I believe they pretty decently represent the different schools of thought that are out there (except Sears’ attachment parenting, which I am not interested in). A word of warning: Most of the content of these books can be found on the internet, often even verbatim. I’m sure it’s copyright infringement, as the text is not quoted or cited. I probably could have read enough online to piece together what I needed, but the books definitely lay it out nicer and I feel better that I didn’t “steal”. Ultimately I cobbled together a bit from here and there. I don’t really even know what came from where because I took what made sense to me from different sources and internalized them. I think once you read enough you just start to allow your instincts take over.

The other thing I’ve noticed that really helped with my babies was when became able to find their own sleep positions around 4 or 5 months. Both my babies are stomach sleepers. More often than not, they will find a comfortable position face down sucking on a blanket (Baby Girl), or the two forefingers of his left hand (Baby Boy). And for those of you following my sleep training journey, she’s been good through morning for well over a month now. And they do sleep day/night in side-by-side cribs in the same bedroom. We’ve come a long way from these days. Fellow new MoMs, there is hope!

lunchldyd is mom to 6mo b/g twins and their 3yo big sis, happy to take compliments on her now-well-sleeping twins.

Sleeping Arrangements

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When I was busy nesting during my twin pregnancy, I had visions of both babies peacefully sleeping in their cribs… in the same room. From what I had read, sleeping together is supposed to bring comfort and safety to twin babies, my friends’ babies shared cribs/rooms, and since we only have one room for them, this was the ideal setup. It was fun and exciting, a personal challenge even, to find bedding and decor that were different for our b/g twins, yet still matching. We cleaned out their room, which was an office/storage space before, repainted it, furnished it with two sets of everything, and even put in a nice reclining loveseat. This was an intense undertaking that required the coordination of my energy level, Toddler’s sleep schedule, and Husband’s work schedule spanning several weeks. But the result is a pretty nice nursery, if I do say so myself.

Needless to say, since I am posting this, with a title of “Sleeping Arrangements”, this lovely vision I had has not come to pass. To continue, I must tell their sleep journey thus far.

When they first came home from the hospital, all four of us (Husband, twins, and I– Toddler stayed with grandma for a few days) spent our days and nights on the couch. We have a large sectional, so everybody fit. It was just convenient to have our babies and all our baby stuff on and around the couch while I was still recovering from my c-section and wasn’t all that mobile yet. However, it isn’t the most comfortable place to sleep, so Husband and I agreed on a new arrangement about two weeks in. He could take one baby with him to sleep in the bedroom; Baby Boy was a good choice because he was soon going 9pm-5am. Even Baby Girl was doing just one 4am feed, so this worked well for another month or so.

However, this also meant the twins never had matching schedules. So when Husband went back to work and I had to take both at night, I just fed Baby Boy at 4am when I fed Baby Girl. And this worked fine for a while too. Except, their daytime schedules were still all whacky, which I didn’t mind as much as long as I got enough sleep at night.

Until… we hit a growth spurt about two weeks ago. And they became more interested in their surroundings, so their feeds during the day were getting less and less substantial. Somehow, they got into a vicious pattern of waking each other up and snacking all night long, one at a time. Add whacky sleeping during the day, and we were all cranky, all the time. At over 16 lbs and almost 14 lbs, I KNOW they are more than ready to sleep through the night, doing which would hopefully regulate daytime routines as well.

Three nights ago, I made the sad decision to separate my twins. BB got kicked out and now sleeps in his crib, in the nursery. I had tried to get both to sleep in their room for naps (as I did with Toddler before she went in full time), but even that hasn’t worked out. They woke each other up constantly, even though I run a fan on high for white noise. This is NOT what I envisioned while putting together this beautiful nursery.

So, for my own sanity, I have now fully committed to sleep training these babies. BB has done really well. First night: 9:30-5:30. Second night: 10-6:30. Last night: 8:30-7. For the most part, he can put himself to sleep and stay asleep. BG, on the other hand, needs a lot of work. She’s more sociable, therefore can be easily distracted from hunger and sleep, so it’s often a guessing game what she really needs when she’s cranky. She’s also addicted to her paci for sleeping, waking 3 or 4 times a night for it to be replaced. It’s going to take some heart wrenching screaming for her to be weaned of this bad habit.

I haven’t even begun to work on daytime sleep, but is there ANY hope for both to ever sleep together???

lunchldyd is mom to an almost-3 yr old and 4 month old b/g twins in Los Angeles. She hopes her heart doesn’t break before her babies learn how to sleep.

 

When One Twin Doesn't Want to Nap

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Since my twin daughters’ birth, one has been a better sleeper than the other, even though they were put on the same schedule from the beginning.  While they were both good to me at a young age and slept through the night, if someone were to get up at night, it was Lisa, and still is Lisa.  If someone were to take a long time to fall asleep, it was her as well.  But, my other daughter, Alison, almost never gets up at night.  Alison can sleep through her sister’s night wakings and subsequent crying and bedroom door opening and closings.  She really only gets up if she is sick or something.  It is wonderful.

At nap time, Alison is generally much quicker to fall asleep.  She just needs her special blanket.  And she can then sleep for at least two hours but has been known to sleep for up to three, or, on a rare day, even longer.  Her sister Lisa on the other hand, fights taking a nap with tears, requests for books, drinks of water, and protest of, “I don’t want to take a nap!”

So, my husband and I have tried numerous thing to coax Lisa to nap every day – rewards for taking a nap; punishments for not taking a nap; loving words; threats; sitting in the room until she falls asleep; ignoring her; giving her books or a toy; moving nap time back; and so on.  But, that girl can happily roll around her bed for an hour, and still not fall asleep, frustrating her parents to no end at the same time.

Lately, Lisa is hit or miss with napping.  It seems more often than not, she does not take a nap.

So, my question is, to all the seasoned MOMs out there – what do you do when one of your twins seems to be done with naps?  I am stubborn and still try putting her down for a nap every single day, at the same time that her sister Alison goes down.  I know my girls are now three, and that maybe I should just be grateful that they’ve napped as long as they have, but naps are precious to me, especially as I have a newborn and desperately want to take a nap each day too!  Plus, she gets destructive and defiant when she doesn’t nap, and is then ready for bed much earlier at night than her sister.  I really don’t like them on different schedules.

So, when did your twins stop napping?  How did you encourage a stubborn napper to sleep? Or what did you do with them once they stopped napping?  Quiet time?  And what did that quiet time look like?

 

ldskatelyn is a wife and mother of three kids, including a set of three year old fraternal twin daughters and brand new newborn son.  She works hard to mantain balance in all things as she stays at home with her kids and runs the household, supporting her grad student husband.  She blogs about her life and other things over at whatsupfagans.blogspot.com. 

Dropping the nap, two ways

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Way back at the beginning of the summer, I wrote about my son’s very active desire to drop his nap.   He and I had a rough summer.  We went through a really defiant stage, and one of the ways it manifested itself was a knock-down, drag-out fight EVERY SINGLE DAY at naptime.  Even getting him to stay in his room, asleep or not, was a battle.  The kicker was how desperately he still needed the sleep.  The days he skipped it, he was a wreck.  Lack of sleep plus a super-defiant age?  Not a good combination.

At any rate, here we are in September.  The overall level of defiance has, thankfully, decreased. He doesn’t have a tantrum every day at 1pm when I suggest it’s time to go upstairs. Even still, though, he is only napping maybe 50% of the time, at best.  He’s simply too “busy.”  He has to investigate everything (despite there being very few things in his room), he has to take eight trips to the bathroom, etc.  And yes, he’s still exhausted by late afternoon.  Alas, I think this is just going to be the way it goes until, eventually, the nap is completely gone.

In the meantime, his sister has been quite the opposite – we’re halfway through lunch when she announces that she’s “bewy tired” and ready to go upstairs.  She practically tucks herself in and waits for me to come sing a song.  “How delightful!” I think to myself.  “She’s going to nap forever!”

Or will she?

Daniel’s chosen method for dropping the nap is so noticeable, he’s going about it with such brute force, that it simply commands my attention.  While I’m battling with Daniel to stay in his room, mentally pleading with him that this be the day he finally sleeps, Rebecca has been quietly finding another way.  What used to be a solid two-plus-hour nap is now consistently down to an hour and a half, at the most.  She’s still happy to go to bed, but has been sleeping for shorter and shorter periods.

I won’t lie, I like Rebecca’s method better.  It still gives me a guaranteed period of quiet time each day, and doesn’t require any convincing or cajoling.  But, of course, each method is very true to its owner.  When Daniel sees an obstacle, he wants to barrel straight through it.  Direct force.  No question what he’s trying to do.  Rebecca, on the other hand, will quietly find away around, find a chink in the armor to exploit, or try to simply convince it to step aside.  True to form.

What about you, readers? Have you noticed your pair approaching similar transitions or challenges in characteristically different ways?  Or do they seem to take a similar path to one another?

A slow farewell

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Oh, my friends, it is truly a sad day in my house.  I have come to acknowledge a painful fact.

The nap is on its way out.

*sob*

OK, it’s not gone yet.  And, to be more specific, it’s my son who seems to be getting ready to drop it.  Over the last few weeks, I’d say were at a 50-60% success rate on his nap.  If we do something especially exhausting in the morning, or weather conditions are favorable (I’m not kidding), we get a nap.  If we don’t do much, or if some number of planets are out of alignment, not so much.

It has become quite a balancing act.  You see, even on a good day, he will mess around in his room and sing to himself for a while before going to sleep.  The challenging part is how long to let him continue.  Do I go in after a while and remind him to go to sleep? Sometimes seems to work, sometimes not.  Plus, to make things even more interesting, I find he’s a lot worse-tempered if he ends up falling asleep too late (and I usually end up having to wake him up lest it get too close to dinner and bedtime).  While he’s happiest on the days that he gets a “normal” nap, he’s actually not all that bad when he skips it outright.

I’d love to blame this on our recent transition to separate bedrooms and toddler beds, because who doesn’t like a scapegoat? But the truth is that his naps were going downhill in this very manner for several weeks before we made the switch.  And, at least now he isn’t keeping his sister up.  I also have to count my blessings in that he does stay in his room without a fight, even if he spends much of the time singing at the top of his lungs.

Surprise Chicago Trip

Alas, all good things must come to an end.  I will continue to hold onto our sporadic nap, or quiet time, or break in your room, or whatever you want to call it, for as long as I can.  At a bare minimum, we need the break from each other until September, when they start preschool in the mornings.

Surprise Chicago Trip

I can only hope all that learning exhausts them.

Sleep Rules That Saved Us

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Sleep is a big topic at new mothers group meetings. Because there’s nothing worse than sleep deprivation. It wears you down physically, mentally, and emotionally. I remember in the early days with newborn twins thinking what I would give for a good 5-6 hour block of sleep. But I was breastfeeding and needed to be present at each feeding every 2-3 hours.

two weeks old

Tiny and Buba- two weeks old

Months later, I was finally getting larger blocks of sleep, but because my babies still needed a night feeding (due to slow weight gain) it wasn’t until they were almost 9 months old that they were able to sleep through the night. As we embarked on our week of sleep training, my husband and I decided to implement three rules that we’d read from the “experts” or heard about from other parents.

Rule #1: Our Day Starts at 6:30am

This is the time that my husband has to get up to get ready for work, so it made sense to make this our start time. If/when the kids wake up before 6:30am, the are left to amuse themselves until our alarm clock goes off. Most days, they wake up between 6 and 6:30 anyway, so it’s not as though they spend hours in their crib waiting for me to come in and free them. Because this is how it is every single day (yes, even on weekends) they are used to it and quite good at entertaining themselves until morning officially begins. But, of course, it wasn’t always magically like this. In the beginning, there was some crying when I didn’t enter the room the second I heard them stirring. However, with time, they got over it.

Rule #2: Naptime and Bedtime are to be Strictly Observed

We’re pretty rigid with our schedules and routines, so this one was easy for us. We make a point of being at home for naptime everyday and bedtime is always between 7:00 and 7:30pm. Okay, I say always, but there have been a few exceptions. The point is, that unless there is a special occasion, our kids sleep at the same times every day.

Rule #3: The No Intervention Policy

Once we walk out the door, there is no going back in. If I hear crying, I wait it out. At this point, it doesn’t last more than a minute or two, and I’ve found that going back into the room is not as productive as I’d thought it would be. I have also learned that it’s not unusual for either of my kids to cry a little bit in between their sleep cycles, and my going in is actually more disruptive than the crying. Because my kids have shared a room since day one, they are quite used to each other’s noises and most of the time sleep right through them (even if I can’t).

This is what works for us (so far), but I am fully aware that what works for some families doesn’t work for others and for a variety of reasons. So, what works for you? Do your kids sleep like champs or have you had to tweak your sleep rules as your babies have grown to keep everyone well rested?

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reanbean is a stay at home mom to 21 month old boy/girl twins. You can now read more about reanbean, Tiny, and Buba at reanbean.com.

Sleeping arrangements for twins

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My apologies for the late posting.  Our lives have been crazy over the last couple of weeks – we’ve just moved. I wrote most of this post just before we moved. I was busy with other things, so I didn’t get a chance to read everyone else posts.  I see that Sarah wrote about managing sleep with newborns. Hopefully this doesn’t overlap too much.

Sleep and related topics have been on my mind quite a bit recently. We’ve just moved to a new house with more bedrooms, lots more bedrooms. Thought it wasn’t the only reason, one of our reasons for looking for a new house was to have enough room for the girls to each have their own bedrooms, at some point, if they want them, or a very large room to share. There will also be enough bedrooms for office space for Mom and Dad, and still there will be rooms to spare.

In the new house, the girls will share a bedroom.  For the first time they will be in separate cribs in the same room.  Now this isn’t the first time they’ll be sleeping apart, nor the first time they will be in cribs, just the first time they will be in separate cribs in the same room.

Since we brought the girls home in January, we’ve tried a wide range of sleeping arrangements.

When they first came home from the hospital…

  • two babies sharing cradle in our bedroom
  • two babies sharing bassinette in the playpen in the living room
  • one baby in the bassinette in the basement TV room for quick naps when we were watching TV.  Usually the other baby was eating.

But they soon outgrew the bassinette, and we needed to find new solutions…

  • two babies sharing crib in our bedroom
  • two babies sharing playpen in dining room

After just a couple of days of lifting two babies in and out of the playpen, we needed a different solution…

  • two babies sharing crib in our bedroom
  • two babies sharing a new (second) crib in dining room

Then we decided they were ready to sleep in their own room …

  • two babies sharing crib in my office their bedroom (or “babies’ office” as my son called it)
  • two babies sharing crib in the dining room

But, they didn’t always share the same sleep schedule…

  • one baby in the crib in their bedroom and one in the bassinette in the playpen in our room at night
  • two babies sharing crib in the dining room during the day

Then we decided to put our house up for sale so we had to remove the crib from the dining room and the playpen from our bedroom…

  • two babies sharing the crib in their bedroom

Then I took the children to stay with my mom while the house was for sale

  • two babies in two playpens except when they took turns sleep with me

Then we came back home…

  • two babies sharing the crib in their bedroom

Until the fan in our son’s room broke, and for a short time…

  • two babies sharing the crib in their bedroom and one toddler in the playpen in their bedroom

About  in mid-October, the girls seemed to be waking up more than usual, so we decided to separate them…

  • one baby in the crib in their bedroom
  • one baby in the playpen in their bedroom

Which has meant more sleep for me since one of the girls is usually sleep through the night, and her sister is usually only up once.

Now that we are settled in our new house, the girls are sleeping in two cribs in their new bedroom.  One of our girls still wakes up more than her sister, so her crib is closer to the door.

We certainly didn’t plan to try all these different sleeping arrangement, but as their needs and our needs changed, we adapted. And, I’m certain their be more arrangements to try out as they grow in our new house.

Big Boy Beds!

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Remember when I told you of my Mommy Peeping? Little did I know that would be the last time Aaron and Brady slept in their cribs!

Brian and I had mere hours until bed time to decide: crib tents or toddler beds. We had the toddler beds in the attic, ready and waiting. Crib tents would be a trip to the mall and an expense for a temporary fix. And just HOW temporary we had no idea. Since Brian is the one who deals with nap time 5 most days, the final decision was his. He chose to just go for the beds.

After dinner that night, we went for it. We left the cribs set up in the room, just in case. We pushed their dresser into the closet (just in case). We took the changing table out of their room (just in case). We unplugged their lamp (just in case). We set their CD player in their (now empty) crib so they’d still have their music but hopefully couldn’t get to it (they did). But truth is: they went to bed with little-to-no fanfare. There was no production, we just put them in, turned on the music, said “night-night” and held our breath as we walked out. There was a little whining, but in about 15 minutes, sleep. SLEEP.

Nap time the next day: same thing.

Bed time the next night: Brady needed a little extra cuddle time but honestly, is that the end of the world? Five extra minutes of cuddle. Then SLEEP.

Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Sure, it takes slightly longer for them to settle down for their naps, mostly because we opted to leave their train table in their room. But just yesterday I heard Aaron say to Brady “NO. Night-night.” at nap time. And bed time is not an issue.

We removed the cribs from their room and pushed their little toddler beds together. Sometimes they sleep on their own beds, sometimes they sleep together.

So, yes, it was that easy. I’m as shocked as anybody. Perhaps this bodes well for future potty-training?*


*I know, I’m still laughing too!

Peeping Mommy

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I put down my 2-year old boys for a nap 90 minutes ago.

Within 1 minute, Brady walked back out of their room. Proud as a 2-year old can be.

“Hi!” he said.

Um…didn’t I just put you in a CRIB? A crib with no bumper, no toys, nothing to stand on?

I put him back into the crib, left the room and spent the next 42 minutes watching them from the doorway, being quiet as a mouse and trying to stay out of sight, hoping to catch one of them in the act. There were a few false alarms but no more escapes (yet). It was hard being still and not rushing in, but I was blessed with a rare opportunity to watch them interact with each other.

I watched all manner of gymnastics including headstands. I watched the boys holding hands through the crib slats. I watched them pass books back and forth. I watched them talk and laugh. It’s not really eavesdropping if you don’t understand what they’re saying, right? I even saw a kiss.

Then, the sweetest thing. Brady climbed into Aaron’s crib. I panicked but saw the safe maneuver and let it go. The laughter…oh, the laughter. Then the cuddling. They finally seemed to settle down and I walked away.

I normally would not watch them like that. Normally when I put them in their cribs, the clock starts on “me time”. I run away, eat, clean up a bit, catch up on MY stuff. But because I was nervous about an escape, I sat and quietly observed a normally private time in my babies’ lives.

And I loved it. It proved to me what I already knew: they have a bond I can never, ever understand.

I’ve never been so glad to have someone climb out of their crib. (But make no mistake, the minute they — and their sleeping little brother — wake up, we are off to Babies R Us for crib tents!)

Good Plane Fun for Everyone

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I hate to fly. I hate take off. I hate turbulence. I hate landing. All three make my heart race, my palms sweat, and my stomach nauseous. But my hometown and most of my family are half way across the country. I hadn’t been home since September 2005, and ever since my twins were born (in March 2008) I’d felt the need to return to my roots.

I spent months searching for flights. My twins would be just shy of 16 months when we flew, and I wanted an itinerary that would allow us to be in the air during our nap times and would give us a decent layover between flights so the kids could spend a little time out of their car seats. When I finally booked the flights, it felt good. Until a few days later when a US Airways plane landed in the Hudson River and sent this nervous traveler into a panic. But I knew that I had to get myself together or I’d ruin the trip for everyone. So, I turned to those I knew and trusted for some advice that I hoped would save my sanity. And fortunately for me, all the tips I received worked like a charm.

  • From Goddess in Progress, “Ignore the kids if they seem sleepy.”

Goddess was helpful in pointing out that our kids would be less likely to sleep if my husband and I continued to chat and play with them once they started showing signs of sleepiness. Because we were flying around our normal nap times, my husband and I actually went through our nap routine with each child once we reached our cruising altitude. We gave the kids their cuddle blankets, read two short books, gave them kisses, put down the window shade, and then sat back and closed our eyes (thinking it would be easier to ignore them and encourage sleep that way). Within 10 to 15 minutes, each child was out (though not without some quiet chatter and a bit of whiny crying). And this was the case on all four flights (two to get there and two to get back). Their naps were not as long as the ones they took at home, but it made the awake time on the plane much shorter.

  • From numerous sources, “Pack lots of snacks.”

I’m pretty sure I over did it, but we never regretted carrying around the backpack and cooler full of a wide variety of snacks- crackers, fruit cups, pudding, rice cakes, cookies, soft cooked veggies, mini-muffins, milk, etc. These snacks got us through breakfast and lunch in the airports and through a few fussy moments on the planes. When my daughter woke from her naps, I could tell she was experiencing some discomfort from the change in cabin pressure. The snacks and her sippy cup of milk seemed to take care of that problem. It worked the same way to relieve discomfort during landings for two of the flights. (Fortunately, those around us were understanding during the landings in which she could not be consoled.)

  • From Jenn, “Pack small toys and random items from the dollar store.”

Jenn, a friend and former colleague, is the only person I know who is as nervous about flying as I am. So when she told me that small toys and random items from the dollar store would keep my kids occupied for hours, I rushed right out to the Dollar Tree store to fill my basket full of goodies- party favors, kitchen items, curlers, plastic jewelry, small toys, etc. Then, as instructed by Jenn, I put several items in small, resealable, plastic bags, and then put all the little bags in a big, resealable, plastic bag.

bag of goodies

bag of goodies

On each of our flights, after the kids woke up from their naps and had their snacks, my husband and I would pull out a bag of dollar store items for each child. We let them play with the items until they were no longer entertaining, and then we’d pull out another bag of dollar store goodies. This tip worked phenomenally well. My daughter played for over half an hour with a baggie full of 3 plastic deputy sheriff stars, a pirate’s compass, and an oversized coin (putting them in the bag, then taking them out), and my son loved chewing on and playing with a wooden spoon and plastic spatula.

a few favorites

a few favorites

We kept all of our travel toys packed away while we were on our vacation, so the kids were happy to see them again when we took the return flights home.

As someone who hates flying, I’m happy to report that I hardly noticed any of the things that usually bother me so much. I was so involved in trying to keep my kids comfortable and happy, that I barely noticed any of the things that normally freak me out.

Of course there were many other great tips that we followed to keep us sane from the time we left home until we returned. Getting to the airport, getting through security, following a schedule while on vacation- what tips have made you and yours happy travelers?