It’s more than a little magical. I could swear that it was last week that I was bringing J home from the NICU to be reunited with her sister M after 5 days apart. It was about an hour ago that the girls were teething. It can’t have been more than 5 minutes since I heard them read out loud to me for the first time.

But 7 they are. It was 7 years ago that my water broke at 33 weeks gestation. I’m afraid that if I blink, they’ll be running off to college.

Party Time

I’d better wait on that blink, because I have a 7th birthday party to plan and execute. I got an unexpected reprieve from the insanity that is the month of May. I learned that the other set of twin girls in my daughters’ classes was going to have their birthday party at exactly the same time that I was planning M and J’s. I gladly generously offered to delay our party until June, after the end of the school year. A few days later, the other twins’ mom texted me to suggest a combined birthday party. Brilliant! (Except that I’m still going to throw a separate party for J and M’s friends who aren’t in their class. They’ve been talking up their party for so long that I just can’t not invite their dance friends and neighbours, but I’m not going to explode the size of the party my friend has been anticipating for her daughters.)

I used to worry about birthdays. I’m an excellent worrier. How, I wondered during the pregnancy and throughout that first year, would I make each of my daughters feel birthday special when that celebration of uniqueness was yet another thing she has to share with Sissy? I made a point of singing Happy Birthday to each child separately. No “Happy Birthday, J and M,” for us! Each girl got her own birthday cake. I got them different, but coordinated birthday presents. This year will be different. All four birthday girls will share a cake. Each of them gets her own Number 7 candle. We’re celebrating the fact that each pair shares a birthday. That’s pretty special in its own right, and all four girls are thrilled to get to share their celebration with their friends as well as their sister.

My friend B sent me into a tailspin a few years ago. She wrote to our mothers of multiples group asking whether and how she should let her twin sons’ friends know that they were twins. She would be having separate birthday parties for each of them since they didn’t have classmates in common. She didn’t want the guests to feel awkward when they discovered there were two birthday boys. Separate birthday parties! I vowed then and there that if my girls wanted separate parties, they could throw them themselves. I’m a pretty simple girl when it comes to parties. I tend to request that guests not bring presents. “Presence, not presents,” I say. If people must bring something, we’ve asked for donations for the local good pantry. I make a bunch of food, invite a ton of people to a park or other open space, and let the party run itself.

Birth Detail

M and J have been terribly excited about this birthday as they’ve watched friend after friend turn 7 at school. J was quite literally counting down the hours on Thursday evening.

“Mommy, what time was I born?”

“6:33 am,” I told her.

“M!! We were born at 6:33 am! We’ll be 7 in 10 hours and how many minutes?”

Who-was-born-first strikes again. Couldn’t I just have said, “6:30?” Still, it was rather nice to know that both my girls consider their birth(s) to be a singular event. Clearly, they have no problem with a shared birthday. The whole multiple thing is really very special, and my daughters are old and wise enough to know it. They’re wiser than I am.

“J, you were born at 6:33. The doctor had to hand you to some nurses before he could take M out of me. She came out at 6:35, so she was technically born at 6:35.”

M, the master of precision, clarified. “So, it took one minute to give J to the nurses, 30 seconds to come back, and 30 seconds to get me?”

“Something like that.”

“So,” said the always mathematical M, “we have 10 and a half hours left to be 6. I’m so excited to be getting 7! I think I act pretty mature, like a 7-year-old.”

“Except you giggle about farts,” J responded.

And they fell into a giggling mass of almost-7-year-old.

Do you do anything to individualize the birthday experience for your multiples?

Sadia overthinks her parenting decisions in Austin, TX, where she takes a break from single mommyhood by going to her full time job in higher education information technology.

The post Birthday(s) for Two appeared first on How Do You Do It?.

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Known Issues (or, Things You Can Learn from Our Pain When You Consider Switching Hosts for Your WordPress Blog)

1. Our blogroll is hosed. Fixing it is a work in progress. I’m starting with all the awesome comments we’ve received over the years. I’m especially sad to have lost all the former HDYDI authors’ current blog locations.
2. Photos are pretty much all gone. Fortunately, everything’s backed up and retrievable, but it’s manual and tedious. Plus, I’m starting with the blogroll fixes, so it may be a while.
3. HDYDI authors, current and former, are being forced to reset their passwords before they can share their brilliance with us all again. Oh, the humanity!

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So it was with some reservation that I decided to let the grandparents take her. Toddler has never been with my in-laws in any setting other than their home without me. I thought I thoroughly prepared her, and myself, by starting over a week in advance, reminding her of what she can do by herself in class, where to eat her after-class snack, and that she would come home after snack for her nap, like we’ve always done. I had also given the same instructions in a detailed email to the in-laws. I even recruited some mommy friends to keep an eye out and help if necessary. I thought we were ready.

The hand-off went without a hitch on the morning of their first class. I went out to help put Toddler in the newly installed carseat on their car. She’s pretty good about clipping herself in, but I wanted to make sure they would know exactly how to do it too. After a couple last minute reminders and a few “love you”s, off they went.

The coming home did not go nearly as well. From what I could piece together, Toddler did not want to leave after snacks, and I guess she started t0 get whiny. She asked to go play at their house instead of coming home to sleep. I’m sure this is due to a combination of her being tired (I was in the process of moving her nap to match the babies’) and testing the grandparents. To get her in the car, Grandpa told her they needed to pick something up from mommy first, and then they would take her back to their house. So of course when they did get back, Toddler refused to get out of the car. I guess they hadn’t anticipated the one-track mind of a toddler and figured she’d forget. While they stood around chuckling at her brilliance, I got to be physically attacked by my daughter while I wrangled her out of the carseat to bring her inside. Needless to say, not ideal.

I spent the next couple of days ironing out the kinks. More reminders to Toddler, a couple of serious conversations with Husband and the in-laws. Everyone is on the same page now. Naps are not negotiable, and we do not lie to our children. I allowed the grandparents to continue to take her.

Here is the interesting thing that began to evolve: Toddler took on a new personality! Without me around, my “spies” have reported that she is much more outgoing (and she was already outgoing before) and seemed to enjoy the class more. She started dancing and singing along with all the songs, running like a hooligan with some of the other kids, and exhibiting rowdy behavior. We often see this more gregarious side of her at home, but she’s usually more reserved when I take her out. Strange…

I’m still not sure how to feel about this. Like maybe sad that she feels she can’t let loose when I’m there, or maybe relieved that she likes going to class with Grandma (although she does still says she prefers to go with me), or scared because it might mean my in-laws have no control over her behavior?

I do know one thing though: My little girl is growing up, and I will have to come to terms with the fact that I will no longer watch over every aspect of her life. I’m terrified and so proud of her at the same time. Maybe this is all for the best.

lunchldyd is mom to a 3yo daughter and her 5mo brother and sister. Letting go is super hard for her.

The post Letting Go appeared first on How Do You Do It?.

“Did M tell you what happened last week?” she asked after we were seated.

“I don’t think so.” M told me a whole bunch of things that happened last week, but none of her stories featured anything principal-worthy.

The principal told me that one of her 4th graders, normally a sweet boy, has been acting up recently. In one incident, he sat next to M at lunch and asked her what happened to her face. M began to cry.

At this point in listening to the story, I began to cry too, which made the principal join in. It was a major tearfest.

Let me give you a little background.

These are my daughters. I don’t think it’s merely maternal pride that makes me think they’re both awfully pretty.

J is on the left, in green. M is wearing blue.

They are identical twins, but by developmental happenstance, M was born with a facial cleft (think cleft palate, but higher in her face and not affecting her palate), while J was not. M has been seeing a craniofacial specialist since birth. The appointments were every 3 months at first, then slowed to being yearly, and are now every two years. She hasn’t needed surgery, and there’s nothing wrong with the function of her nose. It just doesn’t have a defined tip. The cleft also causes her eyes to be wide set and has given her a widow’s peak hairline. All of it combines, in my mind, to give her an adorable anime/china doll look.

M’s doctor warned us that, even if there was no functional issue with her nose, kids get mean about appearance around age 7, and we could always opt to consider surgery if it was needed for M to have a healthy self-image. Honestly, I haven’t given surgery much thought. M is a well-adjusted kid. It’s not like M’s unusual look has never come up before. When kids have asked why she has a “funny nose,” I’ve responded by saying it’s so that we could tell her apart from her sister. When I overheard a little girl telling M that her nose was “too small,” I responded by focusing on its purpose. “Does it breathe?” Yes. “Does it smell?” Yes. “So is it be too small to do its job?” No.

I’ve told M that she has the world’s most kissable nose, and she permits me 5 kisses exactly at bedtime on her “kissy nose.” A while ago, J told someone that a good way to tell her and M apart was her pointy nose, in contrast to M’s flat one. I considered freaking out and then realized that she wasn’t attaching a value judgment to one look over the other. Part of me worried, though, that having an identical twin will eventually add insult to injury. There will always be J there to show M what she would have looked like without the cleft. It’s never come up, though. I hope it never does. It helps that, while my girls value the twin relationship, they also relish being individuals and having some differences from one another.

Let’s return to the principal’s office, shall we? As you may recall, there was crying.

The 4th grader had been mean, and M had cried. It took a while for him to admit that he’d acted wrongly and with intent to hurt, so by the time he was ready to deliver a real apology, M was back in class. She was called out into the hallway, and he apologized.

“It’s okay,” she told him. “You already said sorry, and I forgave you. People say that stuff to me all the time. It’s fine.”

Just to keep the tearfest going, the little boy began to cry. He was ashamed.

“It’s not fine,” the principal told her. “You’re a beautiful girl, and it’s not okay that people say mean things.”

“But I forgive them,” said my amazing, extraordinary child. “I love this school!” And she skipped back to class.

Tonight, at dinner, J was distracted by her dessert, so I took the opportunity to talk to M about this whole thing. “I heard you were extremely forgiving at school. [Your principal] was pretty proud of you.”

M beamed.

“Wanna tell me about it?”

She told me essentially the same story I’d heard in the office. I reiterated what the principal had said, that she didn’t need to just accept people’s cruel words.

“But Mommy, it’s okay. They can say what they want. It’s my job to forgive. I just don’t get it. I don’t understand why they would want to be mean about what makes me special. My kissy nose makes me special. What’s wrong about that? I don’t know why it’s like this, but it makes me special.”

There was nothing wrong with that, I told her, and by a major act of self control, kept the tears in this time. Would she like to know why her nose was special? She did want to know, so I explained in very simple, objective terms the nature of her cleft. I also pointed out that it was responsible for her widow’s peak, which she calls her “heart hair,” since it helps give her a heart-shaped face.

“I love my heart hair!” she said. “That is part of what makes me special too.”

She went on to tell me that her teacher had told her about being teased as a child for not speaking good English. Her sister’s teacher told her about being teased for having a big nose. I added my own story. I told her my tale of being teased for my eczema. I told her that I’d never realized I was pretty until I was 18.

She gasped. “But Mommy, you’re beautiful.”

“So are you, baby girl. I’m so glad you already know it.”

“Me too. I’ve known ever since Nicole told me I was beautiful when I was very small. That’s why she’s such a good friend,” she said.

There was nothing more to say.

Sadia lives with her now 7-year-old daughters M and J in the Austin, TX area. She is divorced and works in higher education information technology.

The post What Makes Her Special appeared first on How Do You Do It?.

The compliments and smiles have been endless. I appreciate that others think my kids are as cute as I do! People generally rush to open doors for me and make my life easier at the checkout counter. The politeness has been so profound that during the few times I am out without the boys, I feel the difference in the way people treat me. It is nice to know that people think two babies is as special as I think it is.

There are so many funny things that people have said to me over this last year. I love when I see a grandmother clearly in the US helping her daughter or daughter-in-law care for a new baby. The grandmother always stops and asks “are they twins?”.  I say “yes”, and they say “where’s your mom”.   Hummm, dare I tell here my mom lives 3000 miles away and works full time! I say “she does not live here”.   Them: “Do you have any help?”.   Me “no”.   Them: “[disappointing sounding] ohhh, you should get some help” and I swear they almost look like they want to jump ship and come home with me.

Often people will look at the boys and ask which is older. It is such a funny question to us twin moms who pay no attention to this when rearing our children but to a lot of cultures, age rank matters and they genuinely want to know who is the oldest son. They often think my bigger guy is older and when I tell them that his brother is technically the “older” one, they often say “but he is so much smaller!!” as if I am defying physics. I nod and say “I know, that’s just the way it is sometimes”. This question does not bother me though, in fact, we often make big brother/little brother jokes at home. We are a family that jokes a lot and I suspect once they are older, the boys will find great humor in claiming to be older or younger while accepting the reality of them being the same age.

Once a woman pointed to my larger twin and said “He has such a big belly.[pause] He looks just like you”. Hummmm, not sure what to make of that.

People have pointed to one son (without seeing the other) and said, “Gosh, he is your twin.” I say “no, he is his twin” and point to his brother. I’m the only one who laughed.

Once a woman stopped me a said, “my husband says that twins are not double the work, it’s squared”. I laughed and agreed. When I relayed the exchange to my mathematician husband, he complained that the math did not make sense, but I still think the sentiment is true!

Sometimes people ask me, while looking at my boys, if I have boy/girl twins. I have never had the courage to ask which one they think is the girl. This will always make me wonder. . .

I love when young guys comment on the twins because 9 times out of 10, it turns out they are a twin too! Young males rarely tell you that your kids are very cute, but if they do, it is likely because they have an experience to share.

Moms of twins often say hi- confessing they too are part of the twin club. The first thing they say after seeing the boys are less than a year old is that it gets easier. I always appreciate their honesty and their acknowledgement that the first year is really hard. And they are right! As we progress through this second year, it does get a lot easier.

The other day the four of us were at Costco. We left the store and while walking to the car, and my husband and I noticed that we were not charged for a couple of items. We walked back to the store to pay for these things and the guy at the customer service counter said that he was surprised they missed these items because the checkout people are usually pretty good and the people at the door hardly ever miss anything. My husband pointed to the boys and said “we have twins, people often get distracted and miss things with us”. It really could not be more true. Whether we are walking around the store with the boys in the front of the over-sized carts at Costco, pushing them in their tandem stroller, or wearing them in matching Bjorns, they are unbearably cute and I love that they bring a smile to so many people’s faces!

The post Things People Say About Twins appeared first on How Do You Do It?.

The sacrifice I make every day to stay home with my children instead of pursuing my own desires will be short-lived and worth every moment if I make it so.  Because, although parenting young children is extremely taxing and challenging emotionally, physically, and spiritually, it is such a short amount of time.  Before I know it, my children will be in kindergarten and then college.  All research shows that these first few years of a child’s life are paramount (even though they won’t remember much of it!).  It sets them up for the rest of their lives!  So though I am not currently helping our family’s financial situation much, or furthering my education, or developing new talents, I am helping our family in many, many ways.  Motherhood is extremely important.  Raising great kids is extremely important.  So I’m choosing to make the best out of my awesome appointment of being a mother of young children.

Doing so means I view my children as gifts, as precious, as pure, as wonderful.  I see their potentials.  I love them fully.  I devote my attention (note I didn’t just say time) to them.  I make them my top priority, not my home, not my grooming, not blogging, not Facebook, not some book, movie, or game – THEM!  I still feel like I am coming into this new frame of mind, of this new understanding of the true value of motherhood, but I am determined to live differently.

And that is what has made me happy again.  I’ve changed my outlook.  I’m stopped comparing (and am slowly stopping the complaining).  I’m prioritizing my life.  And it all feels pretty great.  I’m not worried about keeping up with someone else.  I’m not worried about how others perceive me. And I’m not going to downplay myself, because I know I’m a likeable person, that I’m pretty, talented, and smart.  And I know I am a good mom.

I’m not perfect (in fact I’m very flawed), but I’m content.  I’m at a good point in my life.  I am seeing my purpose differently.

How have you come to view your role as a mother?  How has it evolved over time?

*This is an excerpt from a post on my blog.  Read the entire post HERE.

ldskatelyn is a mother to one set of g/g twins and one newborn son and feels so absolutely blessed to be a mom!  She wants to wish a Happy Mother’s Day to all of her fellow MOMs!  She blogs more on her personal blog.

The post Valuing Motherhood appeared first on How Do You Do It?.

First, let me answer the question. J and M are spontaneous twins. (Thanks to Goddess in Progress, the founder of HDYDI, for giving me that term to use when I complained about how awkward I found the phrase “natural twins.”) I quit taking birth control pills, waited a month, got busy with my husband, and 7 months later had two amazing daughters.

I’ve never struggled with infertility, so I can’t truly understand what that experience is like. I can imagine, though, that I wouldn’t want to discuss infertility with strangers, especially in front of my children. I would imagine that early attempts to get pregnant, repeated visits to the doctor, diagnoses, perhaps even miscarriages, are none of anyone else’s business. If someone is asking because they’re suffering from infertility themselves and are seeking someone who understands, that’s one thing, but most of the time the question comes from pure nosiness.

When I hear the horrible, “Are they natural?” I sometimes answer, “Yes,” and go on about my day. Sometimes, I say, “They were conceived spontaneously.” Sometimes, it’s, “IVF increases the chances of fraternal twins. Mine are identical.” Once, it was, “Are you asking whether my girls were conceived through unprotected sex? Yep, they were!” I was in a bad mood that day.

When I have the time and patience, though, I try to raise awareness. I say, “I was lucky not to suffer from fertility challenges, but I imagine that if I had, I might not want to talk about it. I think of all the tears I’ve shed over friends’ miscarriages. I’m not sure I consider that a topic for casual conversation.” More often than not, the response I get back is, “I never thought about that. Thanks.”

We have fraternal triplets in the family. I don’t know whether they were IVF babies. It’s not my business.

How do you respond to, “Are they natural?”

Sadia lives with her daughters M and J in the Austin, TX area. She is divorced and works in higher education information technology.

The post Are They Natural? appeared first on How Do You Do It?.

When finding out we were having twins, I actually did hope for a b/g set. I was (am?) afraid of raising raucous boys, so I didn’t want two of them at the same time, and since we already have a girl, I also preferred not to have two more (well actually I was ok with that, but Husband was deathly afraid), that left b/g twins. Furthermore, I think it’s much easier not to be compared to your twin when you are of a different gender, and I wanted that individuality for my twins. So I got what I wanted, and then some. They share the same birthday and the same parents, but in almost every other way, they are so so different.

Weight

When you look at them, the first thing you would notice is that the boy is much bigger than the girl. In fact, almost 2.5 lbs bigger. I’m not going to lie, at first they did look the same. At 6 lbs 5 oz and 6 lbs 10 oz, there was not a great size difference at birth. In my post-c-section drugged up state, I did mistake them a time or two. Especially in their individual newborn photos where I didn’t have the other one to compare. But very, very quickly, that changed. Within one week, Baby Boy already broke 7 lbs, whereas Baby Girl was still working on recovering back to birth weight. At one month, baby girl finally made it to the 20th percentile at 8 lbs 3 oz. He has once been at the 83rd percentile. Today, she is 14 lbs 12 oz (49th), and he is 17 lbs (66th). Baby Girl has a petite frame, and while she is by no means skinny, she is mostly muscle. Everything about her is small: her nose, her mouth, her hands and her feet. She has an athletic build. Baby Boy has a large head, big belly, thick thighs, rolls on his arms, chunky fingers and toes. He has a lounge-around build. Holding the two of them are completely different experiences.

Eating

Obviously, Baby Boy is a great eater. He was the one who latched correctly and was content to nurse, for the few minutes that we did it. If I had chosen to continue, I’m sure he would have been the one to get it. He almost never rejects a feed, even when it isn’t time. He eats a lot, and he eats it fast. Baby Girl, on the other hand, is more of a recreational eater. She will sip a little here and there, not taking on a full feed until she is almost famished and then finally pound a bunch. I’ve had to train her out of that, so she’s much better now.

Recently I’ve started them on rice cereal. Neither has really taken to it yet, and both will get impatient for their bottles and cry, but I am certain that Baby Boy will take to this first as well. He already runs the cereal around in his mouth to taste it. Baby Girl? Pushes it out with her tongue (which, incidentally, is why she never latched).

Sleeping

As a newborn, Baby Girl would scream when she was tired (or actually overtired), so we gave her a pacifier. That kind of masked her sleep issues until I took it away (successfully after a week or so of agony). Baby Boy didn’t need to be sleep trained. He was capable of sleeping through the night way before I actually let him do it. He’s pretty much set his schedule exactly how I wanted him to, so I’ve just let him be. His naps are usually at predictable times and durations, and not much can wake him before he’s ready.

The sleep training was for Baby Girl. For the longest time she was doing a 4am feeding after sleeping around 11pm, which was the schedule that I put her on when she was an infant to match my own habits. And she was getting to the point where she couldn’t get herself to sleep without her paci, which meant I had to put it back in her mouth all night long. Her naps were all over the place, every little sound bothered her, and she just didn’t sleep as soundly.

With our newly imposed schedule, she has improved. But it’s not perfect. Her naps are usually still shorter than his, and she is still more easily awakened. It takes her longer to settle down for sleep. She also becomes overtired much more easily. Or should I say, it’s a thin line between tired and overtired for her.

Temperament

All of the above actually boils down to this: They have two very different temperaments.

Baby Girl loves excitement and fun. She is our active child, rolling over before 3 months and putting weight on her legs whenever she gets us to hold her up. From the hospital Husband nicknamed her “Crazy Girl”. Her cries were immediate and piercing from day one. But her smiles and subsequent cackles light up her whole face and the entire room. When happy, she kicks her legs with the force of all of her little body. When unhappy, the tears stream down her face while she finds never-ending energy reserves to scream until she’s hoarse. The highest highs and lowest lows.

Having fun comes before eating or sleeping. (As I’m writing this, I’m watching her kick and laugh to herself on the baby monitor. She’s spent half an hour rolling over and helicoptering around her co-sleeper.) She loves going on outings. The louder the better. She actually eats and sleeps better on days when we go out. Strangers? Not a problem. Love, love, love.

Baby Boy is completely the opposite. He is a very easy-going baby, as long as he is in a relaxed, calm, and familiar environment. He does not have a ready laugh as his sister does, in fact he is often downright suspicious of new things and people. But he does have a very dorky trusting gummy smile reserved for his Mama, which melts my heart in a way the girls’ can’t beat. He’s perfectly happy just to hang out– he likes being held while we’re watching TV, or lying around watching his older sister dance around the living room– and doesn’t squirm like Baby Girl would.

His feeds and sleep are self-regulating at home, but take him out of his rhythm and he could be “off” for days. Outings are particularly difficult, as he doesn’t do well with loud noises or unfamiliar environments.

Our Jumping Bean and Sweet Lug. What a pair!

lunchldyd is mom to a 3yo daughter and 5mo b/g twins. She marvels on a daily basis at how different her twins are and looks forward to seeing these kiddos grow up.

The post They’re So Different! appeared first on How Do You Do It?.

Or they lie.

Or they don’t blog about the hard stuff.

OK, that’s not entirely true either, over at Littlest Lesnaus, Krista had a blog not to long ago about struggling and finding life difficult.

This past week we had two doctor’s appointments, a PT appointment for Alyssa, and Infant Development twice. School break was coming up for our 4 year old. I haven’t been sleeping well at all.  Not because of babies. I just can’t sleep. Greg had a rough day, then I had a major meltdown.

Twice.

No, maybe three times.

OK, if we’re being honest, perhaps it was a lot of times.

Yup.  It has finally hit us.

We have many visitors in our home… yet life is lonely.

If I hear “oh I don’t know how you do it”, “I couldn’t do it”, “wow you’re organized”, “your babies are always sleeping”, “everything is under control”, I think I might just lose it.

Maybe I have lost it already.

This week maybe I’ll trash the house and screw the schedule.

Friday was a terrible terrible day.  So I checked out of my life Saturday afternoon. I really did.  I left home, and said someone else can deal with it.

And you know, sometimes I wonder if Gods sense of humor is messed up.

Really messed up. No joke this truly happened:

Friday afternoon my sister-in-law said that I could go to their place in Newmarket as they were coming to visit anyways so I’d have the place to myself. Awesome. Friday night, all four babies got sick. No big deal, lots of people around to help.

Saturday morning I got sick.

No big deal, right?

Saturday afternoon, I drove to Newmarket, spenr lots of time in tears, hating the world, not understanding life, but I told myself to buck up and get it together. Sunday morning I thought I’d go out for breakfast.  Car wouldn’t start.

No big deal, I’ll use sister in laws car and deal with mine later.

Drive to Timmie’s, and roll down window. I get my breakfast. Window won’t go back up.  Awesome.

No big deal.  After about a half hour the stupid thing went back up.

Go back to parking lot, then decide, “You know, maybe church is where I should be.”

Drive to church. The pastor speaks, and his first point was how God is the perfect parent.  Are you kidding me?!  Go back to house, call CAA, dude #1 couldn’t get it to start, he calls dude #2 who gets it to start and says, “You better drive straight home. Who knows if it will start again before you get there?” How relaxing is that?

The stupid thing is, the whole time I was away I didn’t read, I didn’t catch up on anything, I didn’t shop.

I laid around and worried about home.  About life.  About my oldest daughter.  About not spending time with each kid.  About the friends that used to call. About the family who doesn’t come. About the people who say “call me anytime” but never answer. About a church that I no longer feel a part of.  About the people I thought were friends that have ignored us completely. About the friends that I’ve helped when they’ve needed it. About the big things. About the stupid little things.

Worked myself into quite the downward spiral.

The more I thought about it the worse it became.

I know there people who care. I do.

I am SO thankful for our parents.

I am beyond grateful for our regular helpers. For the 13 members of the community. For the 6 people from our church.  I am thankful for the occasional helpers who come when they can. For my faithful meal makers. For my fellow mommas who do find time to check in. For our nanny who has been incredibly flexible and loves our kids like her own.

It’s just so flippin’ hard.
—————————————————————————————-
Since writing this post back in March, some things have changed:

• I have stopped pumping every 3 hours, and have gone to just 5 times a day.
• I have scheduled life so that at least once a week I have some time to myself.
• I have admitted that perhaps I cannot handle everything on my own.  In March, I quietly began taking the prescription Zoloft. As much as I hate to admit it, it has helped. While I don’t think I was depressed, I definitely could not find the “off” switch. I would lay awake worrying about things and stressing over daily unimportant things. I would put on a face and say that everything was OK, even though it wasn’t.  I had begun to read more into things people said, and that really wasn’t like me.

So all that to say, “Life is hard, but sometimes we make things harder on ourselves.”

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MrsLubby is a mommy of four cute 6 month old fraternal quadruplets and a 4 1/2 year old, trying desperately to find a balance.

The post Hard Days appeared first on How Do You Do It?.

So, I have wondered since what that singleton baby pregnancy would be like.  Would it be similar?  Would I get as big, as my womb was already very stretched out from the previous two occupants?  How long would I go since I didn’t have a cut-off gestational date quite like I did with twins (38 weeks)?  How much weight would I gain with just one baby?  How would I feel? Would I end up with another C-section?  And many other similar questions swam through my head.

I’m sure I’m not the only mother of twins who had these questions.  While not all twin moms have their set of twins (or other multiples) first, many do.  And for these women, I would like to answer the above questions as they applied to me.

First, my pregnancy overall was very similar in how I felt, especially in those first few months.  But, I had less morning sickness/nausea this time around, though that could have had more to deal with the fact that I was at home all day and could eat a little something any time I needed to, unlike when I was pregnant with my twins and was going to school full-time and in the marching band as well.  I had a similar amount of heart burn, indigestion, and fatigue.   I didn’t have as much of a problem with varicose veins or Charlie horses this time though.

Having only one child swimming around inside of your belly is much different than having two or more.  I could much more easily and readily guess what those lumps, jabs, and swooshes were going on inside of my abdomen.  With twins, you not only have a harder time guessing what body part that was, but whose it was as well.

Joyously,  I didn’t gain as much weight (my biggest fear) the second time around!  With the twins I gained about 50lbs, going to almost 38 weeks gestation with them.  With one baby I gained about 35-40lbs and went to just shy of 42 weeks gestation.  However, with the singleton pregnancy, I started to show much sooner than I did with the twins.  But, I’m pretty sure that’s just how most subsequent pregnancies go though.  (See my twin belly montage post HERE)

And I did and didn’t get as round.  While my belly did end up sticking out as much as my twin pregnancy (basketball/torpedo style), there was a difference: I wasn’t as round at the top.  I still had room under my rib cage.  I could breathe easier with a singleton pregnancy, even at the end.  And the one little guy didn’t kick me in the ribs.  With twins, I had no room under my rib cage as there was a child floating around up there!  (See my 40 week singleton belly picture HERE)

I didn’t gain any more stretch marks on my belly (as if I could), but I did get stretch marks on my butt, of all places.  My belly didn’t itch hardly at all like it did when I had two in there.  I still had round ligament pain, lots of Braxton-Hicks contractions, and a baby pinching those sciatic nerves, though.

But, I was really nervous about giving birth, however.  Since I had a scheduled C-section with the girls, I didn’t even know what a real contraction felt like.  I didn’t know how I would handle it.  I didn’t know how much it would hurt.  I knew I wanted a vaginally delivery, but I was scared.  So, I read several birthing books, and tried to prepare the best I could, although I never did make it to any birthing classes.  Thankfully, I handled the early contractions and labor fairly well, though I did end up getting an epidural after more than 24 hours of labor.

But, I am so happy to report that I did not have a repeat C-section!  I was able to deliver my singleton son vaginally. (Read his full birth story HERE.)  While doing so meant I had the wonderful privilege of waiting 13 days after his due date until I was able to hold him in my arms, I am so glad I had a successful VBAC.

With twins at home, I did not want to laid up in the hospital for 3-4 days, be on drugs for several weeks, and have a hard time picking them and other toys and things up around the house.  (Read THIS post for more of my reasons to opt for a VBAC.)  I wanted an easier, quicker recovery from childbirth, especially since we would not be having any help after we came home.

To my happiness, it is indeed how my recovery was with a VBAC.  My son is now 6 weeks old, and I have been feeling great, most of the time.  My body has bounced back much quicker.  I was only on a simple ibuprofen for about a week postpartum, not codeine for two weeks.  My bottom was sore instead of my abdomen.  A VBAC meant that I was still able to take care of my twin three-year olds by myself.  I was able to comfortably pick them up for the first time in months (no pregnant belly in the way).  I had more energy to play with them, after a short while, as I was no longer winded after I climbed the stairs, like I was while pregnant.

Also, my son spent zero time in the NICU.  One of my twins, though born at almost 38 weeks, spent two days in the NICU, recovering from a partially collapsed lung.  With my singleton birth, I also got to hold my child immediately afterwards, unlike with the twins.  I didn’t hold either of my girls until four hours had passed after delivery, and then only one of them.  With my son’s birth, I was able to leave the hospital after a short 38 hours after giving birth.  I stayed four days at the hospital after I had my C-section delivery of my twins.

If you had twins first, how did your pregnancy compare to a subsequent singleton pregnancy?  Better or worse?  Did you have a repeat C-section (if you had one the first time)?  What did you fear most?

ldskatelyn is a wife, and proud new mother to a six-week old boy and three-year old fraternal twin daughters.  She is enjoying adjusting to life as a mother to three and enjoying having her body (mostly) back after being pregnant for nine long months.  She blogs about her life and family over at whatsupfagans.blogspot.com

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