Toddler Thursday: Relating to Other Siblings

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Categories Birth Order, Identical, Individuality, Relationships, SiblingsTags , , , , 11 Comments

I dreamed of my three girls playing together as I incubated my twins, conjuring images of Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women. They would join their big sister and embark on a lifetime of adventures in adorable rompers. I took notice of sisters at the park, studying their bonds and dreaming of how close-knit my girls would be. Shortly after the twins were born, I found myself pregnant again, and gave birth to another girl. A houseful of ladies. Feelings. Hormones. Hairbrushes.

Though we have four children, we have no middle child, and that has made a big difference in how they relate to one another. Hailey and Robin, our identical twin girls, have such a unique, close relationship with each other that they don’t fit the typical description of a neglected middle child. There isn’t (yet) much competition between the girls, and so their accomplishments are celebrated by their siblings as though they are all teammates. They also coalesce in relative harmony by fulfilling roles that have developed organically.

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I could tell in the months after the twins were born that my oldest desperately needed a role, a more solid identity. Her family became a five-some and the twin babies were a novelty to every guest who visited. She quickly became the leader. As the twins grew, began talking and moving, big sister was there to guide the play, teach them new tricks and show them boundaries. She may have delighted in kicking them out of her bedroom a little too fervently, but she found her stride as the leader.

When the youngest girl was born, Hailey and Robin were still too young to grasp the concept, but our oldest found a comrade in arms. Her role as leader and the baby’s role as the ‘other singleton’ fused a bond that rivals the twins. Big sister and littlest sister have become two peas in a pod, leaving Hailey and Robin to happily continue forging their special twin connection.

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Our twin girls share a closeness far deeper than a sister connection. I’m sure as the girls grow, the singletons will experience feeling left out of that special closeness. Like every tribulation in parenting, we’ll tackle that when it arises using empathy and respect. Most of the time, our daily (mis)adventures are a scene of four girls, not divided into teams, but united as a foursome.

We have tried to let the oldest be the leader, because the younger ones delight in idolizing her, and falling into line under her command. We might let the baby get away with more (we’re exhausted after just going through it all with twins, for goodness’ sakes!), but her big sisters seem to enjoy doting on her as well. The twins continue to attract attention wherever we go, and their sisters are there to put them on display and chat to interested observers.

I’m not sure to what I should credit the closeness between these four girls, but I suppose that is part of the magic to sibling relationships, isn’t it?

SarahNSarah is the mother to four girls, two of whom are identical twins Hailey and Robin. They were born in the Yukon in a very small hospital at 35 weeks, and though they were small, they were mighty. She now lives in Ontario, where her high school sweetheart husband works very hard, and she stays home with the girls, freelance reporting on the side. In her past life, she was a journalist who covered everything from fast-paced federal politics to cats stuck in trees. Her writing has appeared in local newspapers and magazines, and in national publications like the Globe and Mail and ParentsCanada Magazine. She is a yogi, a mediocre cook, an awesome Beyonce dance move imitator, and an avid blogger at Cure for Boredom.

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Information About Twins

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Categories Different Gender, Fraternal, Identical, Multiple Types, Pregnancy, Same GenderTags , , 9 Comments

*Note: There will be some tasteful “Birds and the Bees” talk on this blog post. If you are not comfortable with this, please do not read further.*

Twins in a Nutshell

When someone finds out I am pregnant, there are usually lots of congratulations: “Oh, that is wonderful! You are going to love it! You will be such great parents!”

Then they find out that we are going to have twins, and the mood tends to change: “Oh. Get ready to have your hands full!” or “I have a cousin who had twins,” or “Get your rest now,” or “Double trouble.”

When we first found out it was twins, my reaction was very much like those that we face every day. I was terrified. My perfect image of being a mom of my son or daughter and then having another little one a few years down the line… well that was gone. Could I go to the grocery store ever again? Would I need a bigger car? What happens when both of them cry at once? How can I do this?

Then, something happened, and I realized how unbelievably blessed we are to have not just one baby, but two. There is a reason why we were given this gift at this point in our lives, whether we thought we were ready for it or not.  So now, my reply to those Debbie Downers is “We are so excited to have twins! We are ready for this adventure.” Once I passively confront the negativity, it helps them change their mood too… usually.

Then the typical 2nd question comes: “Do twins run in your family?”

As I have answered this question about 100 times (and remember, I am 30 weeks pregnant at this point), I realize that so many people do not understand how twins “happen,” the differences between the different kinds of twins, and how it runs in families. I thought I might take this post to answer some of these questions.

What is an identical twin?

An identical twin is when one egg is released and is fertilized by one sperm. It separates into two different embryos, but they have originally come from the same egg and sperm. That means that they will have the exact same DNA. That also means that they will be boy/boy or girl/girl twins. There cannot be identical boy/girl twins, except in very rare cases of shared chromosomal abnormalities. They will look exactly the same (with minor differences due to “nurture” or development, but the “nature” is identical).

What is a fraternal twin?

A fraternal twin is when there are two eggs that are released during ovulation. They are both fertilized with two separate sperm. Genetically, these twins are no more similar than non-twin siblings. The only thing more than siblings that fraternal twins share are a birthday and a womb at the same time. Fraternal twins can be a boy/boy, girl/girl, or a boy/girl.

Due to the prevalence of fertility drugs and treatments that stimulate the release of eggs, the number of cases of fraternal twins is on the rise. Naturally, usually only one mature egg is released at ovulation. However, with fertility medicine, it causes more than one egg to be released at ovulation. With IVF (in vitro fertilization), more than one fertilized embryo can be transferred into the woman’s uterus. Although the release of multiple eggs can and does happen naturally, and identical twinning can occur with fertility treatments just as in spontaneous conception, twins from fertility treatments are usually fraternal.

Do twins run in your family?

Ah, the question that I know is coming upon the mention of twins. The answer that we give to these people is, “Yes. They run on both sides. We always joked about having twins, but we never thought that it would actually happen.”

But here is the real answer. Yes, they are FOUND in our family. My maternal grandfather was a twin (no surprise to any Doyle Dispatch blog readers as I talk about Papa Alan all the time). They are also found on Tim’s maternal side. However, here’s the thing: both of these cases are identical twins. Are you ready for this bombshell? Identical twins don’t “run in the family.” If you think about how identical twins form, it is the separation of an embryo. It is, in essence, a freak of nature. A really scientifically cool freak of nature, but a freak of nature, nonetheless.

Fraternal twins are actually the ones that can “run in the family,” and only on the mother’s side. For fraternal twins to be formed spontaneously, mom has to simultaneously release two eggs. However, we don’t have any fraternal twins in our recent family history. For us, it was just a fluke. But it was one that we are so excited to have!

What about the other kinds of twins I hear about?

In the twin world, it actually does get a bit more complex. There are different kinds of identical and fraternal twins, and their health and development in utero is tied to these differences. I will do my best to explain the differences here. If you are satisfied with the answers I gave above, please feel free to stop reading this section now.

Monozygotic Twins (MZ)

Also called identical twins. “Mono” = one. “Zygote” = egg. This is the “header” word for many of the following terms.

Monochorionic-Monoamniotic (Mo/Mo)

Identical twins that develop in the same inner and outer sacs.

Monochorionic-Diamniotic (Mo/Di)

Identical twins with one outer sac (chorionic) and two inner sacs (each embryo has its own amniotic fluid and sac). Both mm/mo and mo/di twins frequently share a single placenta. There are rare cases where fraternal twins have a fused placenta, but that is very unusual.

Dichorionic-Diamniotic Twins (Di/Di)

Two external sacs (chorions) and two internal sacs (amnions) to house the amniotic fluid. The Doyle Twins are Di/Di twins.

Twin Sketches

Conjoined Twins

These are identical twins where the division of the embryo starts, but it doesn’t finish. Often, conjoined twins will share organs.

Chimeras

It is possible, but enormously rare, for fraternal twin embryos to fuse early in development, resulting in a single person who has two people’s DNA. Chimeras usually go through life without ever knowing that theirs could have been a twin birth or that they have two sets of cells with different DNA.

So, that is “Twins in a Nutshell.” I hope that it has answered some questions for you. Leave a comment if you have questions or clarifications for me!

*This post originally appeared on Dory’s blog “Doyle Dispatch.” To read more posts about Dory’s pregnancy and nursery decorating on her blog, you can see the list here.*

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