Are You Having Twins? And Other Nosy Questions When Expecting a Singleton

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The first time it was 2 for 1
The first time it was 2 for 1

I am now in my third trimester expecting a single baby, 4 ½ years after having fraternal twins. This time around, the pregnancy feels very different from when I was expecting the twins. In many ways, it’s simpler (less doctors’ visits) and in other ways, it’s more uncomfortable (feeling as big as when there were two in there).

One of the biggest differences are the comments and questions I’m getting from complete strangers. It reminds me of the comments we would get once the twins were born! With the twin pregnancy, I didn’t get nearly as many questions or remarks, probably because I was not out and about as much as I am now. They say with the second pregnancy you show quicker and get heavier. Even more so after having twins because, according to my doctor, the ligaments are stretched out from the twin pregnancy and the centre of gravity changes. Hence I started waddling much earlier than before. And given my petite frame, my ballooning belly sends the signal to everyone that I must be at, or very close to the due date.

With the twins, I was off work shortly after 24 weeks. This time, I’m still waddling around the office at 30 weeks. I can’t count the number of times people in my workplace (mostly women outside of my organization who don’t even know my name) have asked me questions or shown sympathy. One time, it was a lady in the washroom. It took three of my colleagues to reassure me afterwards that I would be fine and not to listen to others. Five minutes later, I had the same conversation with a stranger in the elevator.

Here are how those conversations typically unfold:

“Oh my, you must be due soon. You must be feeling so hot in this heat.”

“I have about two months to go. The heat isn’t too bad.. air-conditioned home, office, car…” (Next time I will tell them I was born in the desert and that Canadian summers don’t bother me.. winter does)

“Two months?? You look like you could go any day! Twins?” (How did she know I already… oh wait I get it)

“No, I already have twins. That’s why I’m so big this time.”

“Wow you have twins! Well you are looking lower than when I last saw you. I don’t mean to discourage you but I think you will go early.”

Next time I go to the bathroom or get into an elevator, I won’t mention my actual due date, or better yet, won’t make eye contact. I’m allowed to act grumpy, right?

What were some of the experiences that stood out for you during pregnancy?

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Parenting a Baby after Twins

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My husband and I had twins first.  And while we have generally thought of the many benefits of having twins first, there are definitely some disadvantages.  And those disadvantages are ever more clear as we have welcomed a new, singleton, baby into our home.

This past weekend, I ran (okay, jogged) a 5k race, my very first race.  And it was at two months postpartum.  I looked at an old blog post I had written when my twin daughters were two months old, and there is no way I was going to be running for over three miles at that point in my new motherhood career.  And reading that post made me realize just how different my postpartum experiences have been.

With the girls, I was recovering from major surgery for six + weeks.  I was also thrown into motherhood head-first.  I didn’t know how to breastfeed.  I didn’t know how to change diapers well, or how to properly treat stains, or what things you really needed, and a host of other tricks of the “trade” that you learn as you mother for a while.

But, the big difference, is that with the girls, for the first several weeks, I didn’t enjoy motherhood.  I loved my girls, but I didn’t necessarily always feel it, not when I felt more like a milk cow than a mother, not when I was so dog tired, not when my kids didn’t smile or laugh yet.  It was a big adjustment to say the least.

On top of all the new motherhood things I had to learn and doubly, I was also going through other big transitions, like going from a full-time student, literally the day before giving birth, to being a stay-at-home mom.  And then moving across the country, from Utah to Indiana, when my twins were only six weeks old.  And then not knowing anyone other my in-laws who we were living with there.  It was a crazy time.  The first year with twins is a general blur when I try to look back at that time.  I really was in survival mode.

So, now that I have a newborn singleton, and am no longer a first-time mother, things are much different at two months out.  First, I didn’t have a repeat C-section and I felt better physically so much faster after giving birth.  And I loved being a mother immediately to my son.  He’s just as cute and precious as my girls were, but I think having just one baby to give my undivided attention to has made my love more ready to feel and give.  He has made me extremely happy already!

And having him has made me feel so extremely blessed for the family I have.   I appreciate and love my twins and my husband more.  I am a lucky woman!

Shortly after I had my twins, my sister-in-law who also has a set of twins, told me that she hoped that someday I would be able to have a single child because it’s so nice to just dote on one child.

And I’m glad that I have. Twins are a unique blessing and I absolutely love having them, but a single baby after twins has been a special treat for so many other reasons.

If you had twins first, did you enjoy having a single baby afterwards?  And if you had twins after single babies, was it much harder than the single ones?

ldskatelyn is a loving wife and mother.  She has fraternal twin girl three-year olds, and a two-month-old baby boy.  She is glad she and her husband made the decision to add the newest addition, as she enjoys the new dynamic in her home.  Follow her at her blog – What’s up Fagans? 

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