A very good friend of mine recently had twins, and since they arrived we’ve texted back and forth. A lot of hers are variations on, “How did you do this?” or “When does it get easier?” While I love the opportunity to help out where possible, and to act as an “expert” (HA!), I hate that she’s in the weeds sometimes. And what I hate even more is confirming to her that the weeds are where she’s gonna be for a while.
Don’t you always want to paint a pretty picture for these moms? You’ve had them painted for you, so why not pass on the favor, right? You want to tell them that it will get better! For instance, when I told my stepsister (a fellow MOT) that my 6 week u/s had confirmed twins, her first words were: “It gets better when they’re 3.” Wait. That wasn’t at all helpful. It was actually more of a buzzkill. But usually we try to stay positive, right?
Since this new mom and I are so close, I really do try to be as honest as I can. I sent her links to my old blog like this one, but at the same time, I do think I’m giving her too much hope for the days of plush toys, gyminis, and exersaucers. Let’s get real. Those things are helpful, but they only do so much, right?
Balancing the truth with comfort and hope is so hard! New and expectant moms – when you’re asking us for help, just how much do you want? Do you want to know about all the times I sat sobbing between two bawling babies, not sure which one to help? Do you want to know about the time it took me 2 hours to leave my house because of the Cavalcade of Poo? Or what about the other time I sat sobbing between two bawling babies…or the time after that? How about all the “Shut Up Walks” I took Every Single Day for months from 5:15 – 6:15 when my husband would get home? Or would you like me to do like my stepsis and condemn you to three years in hell and be done with you?
Wouldn’t you rather just hear good things?
“The babies will be over their reflux/sleeping through the night/entertaining themselves by the end of the week for sure!”
“Oh those smiles make up for everything.”
“They really start crying less once they can play with toys.”
In the end, I try to keep it positive, with a small dose of reality. I think that moms need to know they’re not the only ones who sit home and cry, or hate (for brief stints) the fact that they have twins or want to smack their husbands. But they also need to stay upbeat and polishing up the old truth can go a long way.