Twin Mom to Twin Mom

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We went to do some grocery shopping at Sam’s Club the other day and there was a mother there pushing around a double stroller with two young babies in it – twin boys!  I commented on how cute her twins were as we passed.

And I didn’t know if I should say more, as a fellow mother of twins.  Did I have to say more?  Did I have to tell her that my daughters, who were with me at the time, were actually twins too?  Should I?

I know that when my girls were infants, I certainly received a lot of advice and comments from strangers about twins, often from others who also had twins.  They would often tell me, “It gets better.”  And they are right.  It does get better each year, as your kids start to not need you so heavily.

But, I don’t get as many comments from strangers anymore.  I think it has to do mostly with the fact that strangers don’t immediately recognize that my twins are twins.  They may both be girls, but they look nothing alike other than they are the same size.  And they rarely wear matching clothes anymore.

And, to be honest, I sometimes miss the attention that I received when my twins were babies.

There is something unique about being a mother to twins or other multiples.  We join a special club that the vast majority of people will never be a part of, despite some who say that their two kids, 15 months apart, were just like having twins.  The fact is we carried two or more babies inside of us at one time.  Our kids have the same birth day.  They are unique, and so are we as their mothers and fathers.

So, as a member of this relatively small group of people, should we go out of our way to talk to those who are like us?  Do you?  Do you seek advice from other Mothers of Multiples (MOMs), who are have passed the stage you are at?  Do you feel the urge and desire to reach out to those who you meet randomly, who are toting infant twins?  And what do you say in those moments?

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Katelyn is a stay-at-home mom to three year old fraternal twin girls, Lisa and Alison, and a brand new baby boy, named Michael. She is enjoying having a newborn again and also loving the dynamics (so far) of having kids of different ages. When Katelyn isn’t playing or taking care of her kids, she’s often reading a book, blogging, watching a movie, or taking care of business. She’s also a talented artist, a Sunday School teacher to a group of 6-year old kids, a supportive spouse to her graduate student/math teacher husband, and a musician. She works hard to have a clean house, great preschoolers, and a happy home. She shares bits of advice and much of her life over at her personal blog What’s up Fagan’s?

11 thoughts on “Twin Mom to Twin Mom”

  1. I might sound really horrible for this- but I NEVER start a conversation with other twin moms and I always hope to get in and out of places without being noticed :) I am one of those people that pretty much just minds my own business- and having identical twins has gotten so much attention that it’s really tough for me sometimes. My niece and nephew are fraternal twins- and once they passed the baby stage they didn’t really get much twin attention anymore either- but something about my boys being identical seems to draw even more attention as they get older no matter what I do (different clothes, hats, haircuts, etc). In one trip to Costco a couple of weeks ago, I had 22 people comment on them- that is CRAZY!! I don’t talk much to the people who stop us- usually just affirm that they are the best thing that ever happened to me and explain that I can tell them apart without a problem :)

  2. Hey Katelyn, where do you live? Was that you who told me this when I was pushing my twin girls (not boys!) in Sam’s club???:):):) May be just coincidence. We have been recently in Sam’s club and many people took notice of my twins and even commented how cute they are. This is not new for me as there have been only a few instances where people just didn’t say anything when they see my identical twins wherever we go! Mostly I am welcome to their comments and happy to hear that. Sometimes I get nervous upon such ‘cute comments’ esp when they were infants because of the old saying in our hometown that kids may get sick if some people looks at them and say like that. Usually I just thank them and move on unless they show interest in hearing more about my girls and may be give an extra comment or tiny bit of advice. As for the multiples groups, I am interested in joining, but haven’t done yet. Up until now, I have been comfortable in seeking suggestions in online forums whenever necessary esp when they get sick or so. When it comes to life with multiples, I won’t say its necessary but its always good to know someone who have been there already. And you are right on having twins, twins are unique, so are we, their parents! I am so proud of being a mother to my twin daughters:)

  3. This is such an interesting question!

    I almost always comment if I have the opportunity. I won’t go out of my way to interrupt another mom’s conversation or stop her in the middle of a parking lot, but if we happen to be waiting in adjacent checkout lanes, for example, I might ask, “Twins?” and then nod to my two, or share that I have twin girls who are four.

    It’s rare that that hasn’t been positively received. And I have to laugh…it sometimes is so obvious that that’s the last question the mom wants to answer, **until** she sees my girls, or learns I’m part of the same “club”. There’s often a palpable release, and then a knowing smile.

    For me, the experience of multiples is so unique, I think it’s fantastic to connect with other MoMs. Even if we never cross paths again, I think it’s so fun (and encouraging, at least for me) to speak to other MoMs who are in similar positions.

  4. Texas is definitely the kind of place where strangers fall into conversation easily and often. My girls and I are all extreme extroverts. So, yes, I find myself frequently talking to other twin moms about their kids or raising twins. Then again, I frequently talk to other parents about parenting, random strangers about the weather, or follow up on conversations my daughters start up.

    I do find myself much more likely to hand mommy business cards to other MoMs with kids of different ages than mine than to singleton mommas whose kids are significantly older or younger than mine.

      1. We’re in the suburbs north of Austin, but Dallas isn’t THAT far! My kids have been begging to go back to the Waco Zoo. It’s about halfway between here and Dallas. How about meeting up (once you guys are accustomed to our temperatures)?

  5. I always comment if I’m with my and I motion to them and say “I have twins too”. I usually don’t comment if I’m without my kids unless I’m behind them in a long line or something. Now for triplets I will STALK people to say hi and chirp “I’m a triplet too!” to show them that their kids WILL GROW UP (eventually). In a flash, I bet my mom would say.

  6. If I’m with my boys and I see another twin parent (and they see me), I usually smile, and say “twin mom/parent air high-five” and gesture an air high-five from a distance. Totally and completely nerdy, I know, but I’m not giving the usual “better you than me”, “double trouble!” or “are they natural?”. I’m just acknowledging that I’m in the ‘club’ too, cheering us both on (the best part!), and letting them go about their business without stopping.

  7. I am one of those twin moms who always stop another mom of twins. I have found that I have gotten some of the best advice from total strangers who are parents of twins (like, get a fenced in yard!) plus its always nice to talk to someone who is in your shoes. On the flipside … sometimes that advice is not really needed, like, “It never gets easier.” Um … thanks?!

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