Several of the HDYDI Moms stopped writing for this site because their children have outgrown twin-specific issues. Several of them have contacted to say something LauraC articulated in her farewell post: “As my boys are almost 3.5… they are two very separate individual little boys who just happen to be the same age.”
An interesting pattern I noticed was that all the Moms who said something along these lines have fraternal twins. Here I am, with nearly 8-year-olds, still finding twinny things to talk about. A lot of my posts aren’t twin-specific, and many are reflective on my early years of parenting, but my identical daughters do encounter and present experiences and challenges that are unique to the twin experience.
I started asking around and got confirmation from several other moms of identical twins. We continue to tackle twin-related issues longer, it appears, than our peers with fraternal multiples.
Perhaps it’s that, on average, twins who look alike get asked about whether they’re twins far longer than twins who look different. Perhaps shared DNA does hold a greater intimacy than just a shared womb and family. Perhaps identical twins have a greater tendency to see their twin relationship being at the core of who they are.
Whatever the reason, my anecdotal evidence indicates that identical twins seem to be more “twinny“, or perhaps just twinny for longer, than fraternal twins.
Do you see this distinction? Parents with older fraternal multiples, is their multiple birth less of an issue as they grow? Parents with identical multiples, what’s your experience with “twin issues” over time?
Sadia (rhymes with Nadia) has been coordinating How Do You Do It? since late 2012. She is the divorced mother of 7-year-old monozygotic twins, M and J. She lives with them and their 3 cats in the Austin, TX suburbs and works full time as a business analyst. She retired her personal blog, Double the Fun, when the girls entered elementary school. She also blogs at Adoption.com and Multicultural Mothering.