Infertility Legitimacy

“Legitimately” Infertile?

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Categories Guilt, Infertility, Infertility Theme Week, Loneliness, Parenting, Perspective

(This post was submitted anonymously.)

Starting in about July 2012, I started to get the bitter feeling about not being pregnant. I was upset for days when I would start my period, knowing that another month was wasted and a failure.

In September, I started feeling upset towards friends and others that were pregnant because I wasn’t.

In December, I officially associated myself with the infertility community after we saw the results from our testing. But I had a problem: in the IF world, you are usually considered infertile after 12 months with no success. By the time I got pregnant with my twins in March/April, we had only been “trying” for 10 months.

How much pain and waiting before a couple can really consider themselves infertile?

So, where did we fit in? Were we infertiles? Could we call ourselves that? After all, I DID get pregnant through IUI. Or, did we just speed up the process, and would we have been able to get pregnant on our own, just after some more time? Was my self-made IF label a hoax? Was I just trying to belong to that community, or was I really in it?

What do you think? Is there a bright line dividing the infertile from everyone else? Who is legitimately infertile?

Infertility TalesThis post is part of Infertility Tales 2014, How Do You Do It?‘s series to raise awareness about infertility and its impact on families. Please take a moment to read through some of the personal stories of loss, pain, fertility treatments, and success.

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Sadia (rhymes with Nadia) has been coordinating How Do You Do It? since late 2012. She is the divorced mother of 10-year-old monozygotic twins, M and J. They live in the Austin, TX suburbs, where Sadia works full time in information technology. She contributes to a number of parenting websites and magazines and also runs The Mommy Blogging Guide, where she answers mommy bloggers' technical questions.

One thought on ““Legitimately” Infertile?”

  1. From someone who spent three years trying… I think of you as infertile too. Here’s why:
    Hard is relative. Time is relative. I believe that losing a baby at 8 weeks hurts just as bad as losing a baby as an infant – I can say this because I’ve been through both. My three years hurt me just as bad as your 10 months – because we both wanted a family faster/easier than we got it.
    And, p.s. IUI (with injectables) is how I got my triplets. 😉

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