I’ve heard my share of silly comments about being a mother of twins. You know what no one has ever said to me? “You must have been really relaxed to conceive two at once!”
So why do people feel the need to tell infertile women, “Just relax and it’ll happen!”?
Relaxation does not cause pregnancy. If it did, we’d have fertility spas and massage parlours, not clinics.
Still, there seems to be this undeniable urge to respond to an infertile woman’s concerns about her inability to conceive with, “Relax and it will happen.”
I think it stems from our cultural discomfort with the idea of infertility. If the infertile woman stops talking to us about her infertility, we, her listeners, are the ones who get to relax. As long as we don’t hear about it, we don’t have to feel her anguish. After all, if she’s not talking about it, we don’t have to know about it. Infertility is silent as long as the infertile are silent.
“Relax and it will happen” silences those who try to speak out.
My challenge to you is to refuse to relax. Refuse to be silent. Own your infertility. Own your fertility. Fight for the motherhood you want. Mothers don’t relax when it comes to protecting their children. And mothers-at-heart don’t relax when it comes to making those children a reality.
Forget “Relax and it will happen”. Fight to make it happen.
This post is part of Infertility Tales 2014, How Do You Do It?‘s series to raise awareness about infertility and its impact on families. Please take a moment to read through some of the personal stories of loss, pain, fertility treatments, and success.
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Coming from a “silent” culture, I applaud this call to action
Oh dear Lord. As much as I 100% agree with this, can you imagine Sadia, if there were more outspoken people like us in the world? Balance can be a good thing for sure! I do think you’re right though – there are some topics that should be spoken about, and hiding in shame is never good for anyone.