The other day it occurred to me that the minions are seriously misinformed about a number of realities of the world and even though we often try to correct them, they insist on their own unique versions of reality and we entertain a number of them because they are cute. I don’t want to correct Molly when she tells me that she loves “Honeydude melon”, but I do because that’s my job.
Below are 10 tongue and cheek truth bombs that I would love to lay on my toddlers, should they ever believe me and it not completely shatter their worlds.
10 Truth Bombs I Would Love To Lay On My Toddlers
- Any man with grey hair over 55 is not your Papa or Grandpa. This became particularly awkward when Jack tried to sit on a friends father’s lap because he wanted to spend time with his grandpa.
- Just because the guy who installs the new hot water heater is a tall Eastern Asian man who kinda of looks like a friend of ours doesn’t mean that they’re the same person. I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t want to play with you and thinks you’re a little bit racist.
- Those aren’t your “Elmos” they’re your elbows.
- Those aren’t my “elbows” they’re my breasts.
- Whenever you tell me that you’re, “never going to cry again” I don’t believe you. Also when you’re laying on the floor throwing a tantrum screaming, “I’m not a baby!” you’re kind of being a giant baby.
- Your stuffed Bunny isn’t really a bunny, it’s a dog. Sorry.
- That picture at Nana and Grampa’s is of a Polar bear, not a dog.
- Your concept of ownership is ill conceived: The last time I checked that is not your car or your house, but we can share.
- Your assortment of candles, candle holders, wine corks and contact cases are not actually toys, they’re random objects that you’ve collected like some sort of weird hoarder. When you ask other kids to come over and play with your “toys” they will likely be disappointed.
- That old man with the big bushy white beard who wears a red t-shirt and hangs out smoking in front of the local legion/recreation club is usually drunk and definitely NOT Santa.
This post originally appeared on my blog Multiple Momstrosity but I thought I would share it as a part of HDYDI’s Toddler Thursday Series.
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This is too funny, thanks for sharing it here. #9 sounds familiar, she even has a special “hiding” place she puts her treasures.
Hysterical! I realized that my girls had outgrown toddlerhood when M was actually embarrassed to have confused her great uncle with her grandfather… and they really do look quite alike.
My son also thinks all animals are dogs. And he growls/roars at all of them: the cute bunnies at the pet store, birds flying in the sky.
And how about the one where all snacks, regardless of who has them, are fair game? My kids stare at people to beg for food like they’re constantly starving. And they’re fat chunky toddlers. It’s so embarrassing. I swear I just fed them!
In a public place, my kids will follow anyone who announces it’s lunch time. I swear I feed them too!!
They also see their dad fixing things around the house and love to “help” with their toy tool kits. When Daddy goes to work every morning, the boys say, “Dada. Work. Tools.” He’s a teacher, but they’re pretty sure he’s a carpenter :o) We’ve even been to his school, but this idea is firmly lodged!
I laughed hysterically through the whole list. Great post, thanks for sharing and giving me my morning laugh.
Oh, this is hilarious! Love your tone! Thanks for the laugh this morning!!!